Wanted to do a recount of 2007 initially, but stupid CABALAH did it a moment ahead of me, so I shall present my thoughts in a different way this time around.


Before I start on this year, I hope you guys have read my final post of 2006. I actually did.


There was no reflections, no well-wishes, and instead, curses, complaints and criticisms.

That was one reason why I chose





as my end-of-year MSN nickname.


This year can be considered as the Beginning of the End- Beginning of a new life in an air-conditioned classroom, but the end of my life in Xinmin Secondary.

Xinmin- Be it Primary or Secondary, this name has been stuck to me like my name as an identity since Year 1998. It's part of my identity, a place I call home.


So before I start on my reflections and dedicate this post to Xinmin and the Xinmin family I love so dearly, I want to wish you guys a Happy New Year Eve, and a Happy New Year in advance. =)

Let me recall..





1. Rush holiday homework

2. Go school website to look for New Timetable

3. Prepare gifts to distribute when school reopens


4. Save my phone bill by not bringing phone to school


5. Be in an environment I am comfortable in



1. Shoe size shrunk to 37 from 40


2. Took 4 weeks to complete NAPFA


3. Made presents for all future Student Leaders & Librarians

4. Sold 4 years worth of books for $20.

5. CONQUERED KBOX!!

6. Received TWO Awards!

7. Having 33 people wishing me Happy Birthday!


8. Let go of past relationships that weren't working out

9. Went to Malaysia for a record-setting FIVE days

10. Drop Chemistry~



1. Got to know a freak


2. Almost drank a cup of ice Milo with a dead lizard

3. - work up

4. Fainted at 3am during SL Camp

5. O Levels

1. Emo Queen

2. Chinese (Not HMT) Obsessed


3. Poly-header

Okay okay.. Took me a little more than 3 hours to complete this..

Just wish to close this blog on a happy note unlike the past few years... =)

Cyaz, people! Will miss you guys de!

Want to thank the following websites for making this post possible:

B1- http://www.flickr.com/photos/97353123@N00/132308725/B4- http://www.flickr.com/photos/austinevan/1225274637/C2-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nestl%C3%A9_Milo

Today's the last day of 2007, and sadly, too, the last day I'll be blogging in this blog.. =(

Can't bear to leave this blog actually, because I've actually used this URL for 2 years. Haix...

But just like many other things, I have to leave some things behind..

And I must say, this blog must have been through one of the darkest years of my life with me...

Urh.. This is also the 355th post for this blog.. Urh.. Dunno what to say, besides that I love this blog a lot.. But people, look forward to a blog of vibrant colours next year!

This post is inspired, but not sponsored, by CABALAH.

Blog-hopping is something I don't do anymore, and instead, I'm going to many other websites (PG) for some reasons.

As I was surfing through some websites, I received an SMS from CABALAH, something like an SOS call.

Brought back countless memories too.

Looking back, I've lost countless loved ones. As I see people visiting their relatives every weekend or stuff like that, I feel a stinging pain in my eyes, which hinders my sight.

As people were preparing for Primary 4 streaming, I was away overseas attending the funeral of my Grandmother who lost her life in a car accident. She didn't say much, except to reassure us that she has forgiven the driver.

As people were having fun during recess in Primary school, I lost my Grandad, who breathed his last while the nurse came around to change the pipe. I remember sitting beside him for 4hours plus, looking at him, chanting for him, determined to engrave his looks in my memory.

One year during Racial Harmony day in primary school, I wore purple Chinese ethnic costume. At then, I remembered many friends staring in mockery, saying that Chinese wear red, not purple.

This was a wound I always refused to bring up, until today. Because I only got over it recently.

As they laughed at me, I didn't feel anger. I felt hurt, because no one asked me why I wore purple. I wore purple, because my Grandad passed away that year, and we weren't allowed to wear red for that year. At then, I took that as a symbol of remembrance, and so I didn't allow my tears to fall as I became the butt of the joke.

Many of you aren't aware as of how fortunate you are to have your grandparents around till now. As you ignore their constant nagging during a weekend visit, I'm at home alone with my heart of emptiness.

There'll no longer be any reason for me to go to Lorong Ah Soo via Heartland Mall route, there's no one else to pei me chant, there's no one else who would call me Laili the way they did.

Laili was a name my Grandpa wanted to give me, because traditionally, it was a lucky name to have. But my parents thought otherwise, and gave me a name hoping that I have wisdom.

But my grands refused to call me by my name, and instead, called me Laili.

No matter who is it that came to know about this name, they say that it isn't a nice name. Very 俗，very diao. But to me, it's the best name any person can ever have, but it's solely reserved for me. Just mine. No one can take it away from me.

Fate can take my loved ones away from me, but they can't deny the fondest memories they left me. Even if I get amnesia one day, I believe I can remember their love for me innately forever.

Be it the hospital ICU department which my Grandmother laid while my relatives teared outside, or the bed and position my grandad laid, or even the route up the mountain where my Grandpa was buried, I'll never forget any single detail, because they are permanently imprinted in me le.

In addition, I've lost two grandmos, one auntie, one aunt's husband, two nieces, one uncle and many more.

I can't say that I am immuned to the loss after a first few, because it's all so hard to bear. And you guys should be glad that you would at least have the chance to attend their funerals unlike me. I would have to take a 8-hour bus ride before I get to see them each time.

Like you see a person who talks to you today, standing healthily before you today, and the next day you received a call and you see him/her lying in a coffin.

It's very hard to accept such cold hard truths.

But recently, I've learnt to accept such things le. Just think of all the goodness of them, and gratitude I should feel towards them for the good things they did... I don't see the loss, but see the gains.

I've lost many loved ones, be it blood-related or otherwise, but that doesn't mean I don't love them anymore.

My love for them is eternal, and our memories stay even till armageddon.

If you guys see any loved one suffering, don't show your sadness, because it's even more depressing for them. Be it a limb rotting, or they are disfigured so much so that they are mere skin and bones already and still suffering as they live, show your courage, gently take their hands in yours, pat their shoulders and give their hands a squeeze.

Assure them that things would be fine eventually, and don't worry too much. Promise to stay by them. Let them let go of their hustle and bustle lives..

Give them all the love you can afford to give..

..because that's all you can give them while they are still alive le. You can never replay these scenes, and you can never redo your deeds before them like Ctrl-Z.

Meanwhile, people, take good care of your own health, too.

Damn.. I'm tearing yet again...

CABALAH, stay cool..

Had an enjoyable night yesterday chatting with a ...
Hahax.. =X

I shall not repeat myself as of what happened this morning.

Before I talk about some other things, there are some things I want to get off my chest.

To Sinli and Angeline:

Despite the fact that we didn't get to meet up altogether, I'm not exactly angry. From another perspective, I also think that I do not have the right to be angry with you guys.

I am thankful to have friends like you two who bear with my nonsense all these while, be it PS-ing you guys when I am emo or when I throw a tantrum when things don't go my way..


I am a little pissed today, but other than that, I don't wish to be anymore angry which may risk losing this frienships. So.. Yeah. I'm not upset whatsoever le. =)


I remember how my peers and I were planning for "life after OLevels", with a wide spectrum of ideas and tricks up our sleeves. But when the freedom was truly bestowed to us, many of us were left.. Not knowing what to do.

I know this sounds cliche, but watching one senior on a TV Programme some time ago brought back many fond memories of mine, the times I spent in Metta Home.

There's no impressive furniture or blueprint, just people with nothing more than innocence. Perhaps it's tiring to be with them 24/7, but the emotional surge they brought to me when I visited them everytime was.. Beyond description.

They don't know how to bootlick or play their cards. All they knew was that they were contented just to have people coming to interact with them.

While people of our generation are going after technology advances and gadgets, they are innocently wanting nothing more than cakes, lantern, or even, just a lukewarm apple pie from McDonalds.

I can never forget Jean, Tet-tet, Wawa.. And so many other volunteers who gave all they have to those people. And those people know how to express their gratitude and love through smiles, handshakes and even hugs.

They try hard to be nice people, they try to talk to us at our pace, they try to divulge more about their own lives, they try to behave themselves. Seeing how many of them can draw and even write better than people like us, me inclusive, sometimes I wonder what have they done to deserve being separated from the norm.


Regardless of intelligence level, isn't it just like how all races and religions are equal as all of us have the same blood running in us?

Are we really doing them good by letting "their kind" "stay together"?

Wouldn't it backfire in the long run, just like how streaming students into different bands actually backfire?

And on a more personal level..

Just dawned upon me that.. Eversince I left.. I have been experiencing more hatred than gratitude and happiness.. Perhaps because they were the ones who made me see how fortunate I am, and I should be gratitude for all I have, not moan over what I don't have. That's why I could feel the happiness of having what I own, experiencing the feeling of completeness in my heart...

But.. it's those office politics that drove me and many others off...

And there were some mistakes I made which disallowed me to stay.. And it's not like they are insignificant..

I miss their smiles.. I miss feeling fortunate because of them.. I miss their hugs.. I miss their innocence.. I miss the peace.. I miss.. I miss them..

That's what brought me to the conclusion that..

I want to start loving everyone and everything around me, instead of hating them.. Because as compared to being against them.. It'd be more feasible and beneficial to acknowledge their existence with acceptance...


That's all for today, people.. I'm not emo-ing okay.. I'm just.. Reflecting..

Edit: This post was supposedly published by 9pm, but as I just logged in, I realised that it had been merely saved as a draft. Sorry for any misunderstanding/confusion brought about by the lateness of this post. =)

Sleep well, people.

I'm publishing no more tonight.. (=

Suppose to be out having breakfast with my family, but I PS them already.

It's not my fault, it's their fault.

Let me just say that I'm not exactly an unreasonable person. Like I do not mind a lot that my Momo just bought my elder brother a PSP and my eldest brother bought one, too, with his girlfriend, because I have zero interest in that gadget.

But what bothered me was how those stupid gadgets made me the OOO again.

First thing in the morning, my momo woke us up, rushing us to get ready to have breakfast because papa is in a rush to work.

Yeah, so there we go, rushing here and there getting ready. Then taking the lift to the void deck.

Then I see my parents working in the field, ploughing the soil, chatting with other folks, and my brothers standing together working out on their PSPs.


And what the heck am I suppose to do? I feel like an idiot, or even an animal in the zoo, being looked at by passers-by like I'm some kind of moron standing in the middle of nowhere like I have nothing better to do.

Then what? Then I can't find them after a while, then SMS them they also heck. Suddenly just call and say they at van le.

I'm like, super pissed. You can say that I'm self-centred because I only think for myself, but think about it.

How would you feel, if you are the one being invisible?

It's not like being invisible/non-existent in class, cliques, outside school isn't bad enough already.

You call this kind of home a sanctuary?

Then I'll rather be in BGMP.

I know by going home and telling them I don't want to have breakfast with them, and chose instant noodles over them may mean getting scolded and even worse, beaten.

But guess what?

I really don't care. Cos just like my junior, I want to protect myself, too.

And there's nothing you can do about this selfishness. Don't tell me those crap like "never mind de lah, maybe they didn't realise" or "you're just jealous that they own what you don't have".

Because you wouldn't understand how it feels to be ousted everywhere.

And I'm starting to worry, that PAE trial school term starts would mean being ousted in yet another clique... ='(

Don't know why, but have been feeling super giddy for the whole of today..

Like there's no reason for this to happen..

Dammit..

Sorry, people.. Will blog properly when I am feeling better..

Instructions
1) Do the following without complaint.
2) Choose 5 person to do this after you've complete yours.
3) Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she has been tagged

Favourites
Favourite Colour: Baby Blue and Royal Blue
Favourite Food: Jelly, Wanton Skin, ShakerFries, Whipped Potato!
Favourite Movie: The Lizzie McGuire Movie...?
Favourite Sport: Badminton, Captainsball and Netball
Favourite Day of the Week: Friday
Favourite Season: Winter!! Cos very cold, just like my jokes! Kekeke..
Favourite Ice Cream: Urh.. Dunno how to say..

Current
Current Mood: Giddy and confused
Current Clothes: Mashimaro top with Sports shorts. =)
Current Desktop: Jiro in X-Family de image
Current Time: 6.32PM
Current Surroundings: Hougang Stadium
Current Annoyances: Not enough time to do what I want.. Sick and don't know why
Current Thoughts: 6pm show is nice.. Hahax..

First
First Best Friend: ***, Ling Ying and Shalina
First Crush: FFY
First Movie: Jurassic Park
First Lie: Urh... Urh.. URH.. *AHEM*
First Music: Jolin Tsai's "Don't Stop"

Last
Last Drink: Ice water
Last Car Ride: 26 December 2007 at 1.36pm
Last Crush: Can't remember!!
Last Phone Call: Eldest Brother
Last CD Played: Yang Pei An's "Wo Xiang Xin"

Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: *shakes head*
Have you ever broken a law: More than one lorh, LOL.
Have you ever been arrested: *shakes head*
Have you ever been on TV: Yup..
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: NO. Hahax!

Random
5 things you are good at:
(1) Crapping
(2) Cracking lame jokes
(3) Making DIY stuffs
(4) Emo-ing
(5) Acting happy

4 things you've done today:
(1) Fallen ill
(2) Tidied Primary School friends contact numbers
(3) Blogged
(4) Emailed Jasmine Yeo

3 things you can hear right now:
(1) Christmas song
(2) Fan
(3) TV Frequency

5 people to tag:
(1) Angeline Mah
(2) Sinli
(3) Ah Des
(4) Charmaine
(5) Hong You

I know what you're thinking while reading the statement above: Shit.. She's going to whine again liao..


At times, they say that you are just a kid, so you can't do this, you can't do that. You can't take care of yourself, you are too immature to be in a relationship, but other times, they let you handle things believing that you can, because you are matured enough.

Like they would say people your age should start helping out in household chores, should learn to do take care of parents...

And the list goes on.

Just like this, my parents [both momo and papa] happened to be behaving just this way.

This isn't offensive, I just find it a funny trend adults follow.

Like how I told my papa that my phone bill two months overdue haven't pay, then he was like telling me some odd stuff beyond my comprehension.

And before I know it, he handed me $1500 worth of fifty-dollar notes to deposit into my momo's bank account for flat instalments. Then I say,"what about my bill? Hello? That's what I'm talking about?" Then he said he didn't know where the bill was, whilst rummaging through his stack of letters.

Before he found THE bill, he found my brother's phone bill. "Oh, this also horh.."

And handed me $100 for it. [two months didn't pay also. Lols. Singtel is damn kind I must say..]

Then again he rummaged through, and...


If my teacher were to ask me to describe where he found my bill in detail, I would say,

"My papa found my flimsy yellowish bill at the bottom of a stack of papers which seemed like Mount Everest crushing on Earth's surface."

Okay, I'm being lame, but whatever.

After handing me the money, I thought that's that and was about to turn and leave, when he suddenly spoke, yet again. Can you guess why?


Yes, his own bill was overdue too. Lols.

And so he handed me another $150 for the bill. [yes, two months' worth yet again like it's some kind of tradition.]

So here it goes, a papa handing me a stack of $50 notes like they are just paper for shredding:


Surprisingly, money doesn't appeal to me this way, like what people call the "crisp" sound of handing so much money.

Somehow, holding a stack of $50 notes reminded me of a video I saw of the worthless Banana notes, which people used to keep a fire burning in their kitchens.

Funny? Maybe not.

Anyway, just when I thought that's all for the day, my momo walked by me, and passed me...


Yeah. And said it's for I-couldn't-catch-what-she-was-saying.

And at the same spot I stood "transfixed to the ground", "at a loss for words" and minutes later, "laughed till my sides hurt".

What~ A~ Day~

Sorry. It's just a morning.. Damn..

=P

P.S.: Don't think of robbing me, because by the time you read this message, the money would have been with Darling POSB liao. Hahax..

A special message to Angeline aka Angelz aka Whiner aka *** aka "princess" aka Catapult aka CABALAH aka You Shan aka Meatball aka Mrs Altux:

Eh, as of the question you asked me on if you should go JC or Poly, my answer is JC.

The reason is simple- cos your momo told you JC2 then can be in relationship wad, so if you go Poly, means you forever have to remain single right?

I damn smart ah, I know. =) Remember to thank me, Mrs. Altux.

Okay fine.

Read a clarification on a junior's blog.

Like what I told Hong You, we'd sound like sore losers if we choose to pursue this matter.

Either way, it's already over and there's nothing that can be done to salvage what happened.

So..

Yeah.

Came online and signed in just to say.. Forget it.

Last half an hour of Christmas le, people..

Been rather busy this whole morning.

First there was this rush to go out with Momo to buy pots she needs for her bonsais, then the wrapping of presents for some people, then chatting with Angeline, then going to various Polytechnic Websites to choose the courses I want just as Miss Ng had advised.

Feeling a little better today after accomplishing so much in one morning.

I am chatting with Angeline on MSN Messenger while blogging this. So part of what I feel reflects some things brought up in a couple of Chat windows.

One thing is, that I finally understand how some seniors felt, like they were forgotten and stuff like that.. Because it feels really bad to be ignorant of a gathering people in that group went to.

The feeling sucks, I know.

Now I understand why previously my ex-wife was so particular about making sure that we've invited all we should have invited.

Anyway, I'm just feeling a little disappointed, and quite pissed.

But it's a good thing anyway, cos it would aid in getting rid of the love I have for the group.

Respect seems worthless and endangered nowadays, isn't it?

I'm not scolding a particular person or group, just that what happened before my eyes truly hurts and I think it's plainly rude and inconsiderate. Should be ashamed of yourselves is an overstatement, though.

I choose to assume that it's not an official matter, but one of which was held by an individual for her friends. As of why I choose to see it this way then.. You would be dumb not to understand why.

Anyway, just saw the "New Renovated" Xinmin Website.

One interesting is, you guys can now download the school song, here.

So fun.. Remember to upload to your phone! If your computer doesn't have Bluetooth function and you can't upload it to your phone, look for me, and I'll send it to you! It's in mp3 format eh! ^_^

This is my Christmas gift to you guys~

*chuckles*

1111st post since year 2004.

I remember the first year in Xinmin when I first heard about blogging. I remember telling people that never will I start blogging, because it's lame.

Unknowingly like a possessed body, I've start not just one or two blogs, and the number of posts have gone 4-digits already.

Have been rather troubled now, but.. never mind.. Forget it..

Goodnight bah, people..

I'm sorry..

to make you guys, my friends, worry about me last night..

It just so happened that I reached my breaking point last night, after an overwhelming day yesterday.

Like how I remembered the times I spent with three other SLs in the SLR during one camp night.. Like how I remembered Khoon Liang being the first to report for Sec One Registration.. Like how I first tried on new pair of XMS Sport Shoes with the help of UG members.. Like how Mrs Yeap smiled at me during Sec One Registration in canteen..

Like how I remembered I was the one with a nicey friend to cheer me up and protect me.. Like how ignorant I had been about how bad others felt when I was feeling blissful.. Like how the Library Js-H-clique formed.. Like how I sat with Jas on the railing waiting for 9, or even 10, buses to go before we boarded a bus.. Like how I got the pair of bears from bestest friend and heard his story of what they meant to him..

Like how I remembered squatting outside Aesthetics Room crying so hard after being suspended from CCA and Mr. Chee offered me a box of tissues.. Like how Ah Des sat on a table and told me to cheer up.. Like how Momo sat with me on the Second level staircase despite wearing a milky coloured skirt just to chat with me for two hours.. Hoping things are alright.. And how Miss Yap looked for me in the canteen and comforted me..


Very often as I try and picture myself in a new institution X, I asked myself, if it would really be right to leave this place I am so grateful for..

This place rid me of my egoistic character.. This place taught me friendship with opposite gender.. This place exposed me to the society.. This place let me feel safe and warm..

There was a very important reason why I chose to be late for Debrief since I was chatting with Miss Yap. Chatting, is an understatement, because I actually needed to confide in her about my insecurities..

Get real, it's life............................................

I am at a loss for words already....

Standing up again after all these now.. Isn't as easy as I thought it would be..

I can't do it...

I CAN'T DO IT...

Realised that I'm getting increasingly reluctant to explain myself.. My views.. My stand..

Like how I am reluctant to explain to you why I don't want to eat the ice-cream at the fitness corner during your birthday..

Like how I am reluctant to explain to you why I am so determined to leave..

Finally made up my mind today- but that was something that occurred after the SL Debrief.

Not trying to raise my blog viewership, but yes, I've decided to back out after Orientation..

Have gone through so much with SLB since Sec 1. Be it failing the probation, getting called back as CCA representatives, then promoted to CCA leaders, then having the tie and the badge, then taking part in SL Investitures and being part of so many adhocs..

I think it's enough already.

Looking back, I think a certain junior is right in a certain way, that when the time comes, we have to hand the baton over. We can't be there all the time, cos it would disallow them from becoming independent..

In a certain way, we would not be helping them; we would be harming them instead..

Seeing the tears of juniors, the laughter they shared, the fun and jokes they had amongst themselves.. I see myself believing them that they are strongly bonded..

I've sealed my heart vaults for my class, for my loves..

As I watch campfire finale of Orientation.. Let that be the last time I cheer for the Board with the Board, as part of the Board..

As the flames extinguish and the adreline rush dies down.. I'll seal my love for SLB too..

It's a tough decision.. But..

And of course, I can't deny it's also because that.. I can't bring myself to work with people I once loved too dearly beyond the limit of good friends..

Hope that juniors would forgive me.. Because I know I once promised to stay on and forever, to cheer you guys on..

But as you guys get on the news.. You guys can be sure that I'll cheer and tear for you guys in front of the TV set and behind the newspapers..

Someone once asked me to choose between CCA and SLB..

Someone once asked me to choose between UCO and XMS..

Someone once asked me to choose between my Dad and my Mom..

Thought that I would leave this post till after the Christmas gathering this Sunday.

At second thought, I decided that such things should be posted as soon as I can. So here it is.

Some days ago, I went back to school, intending to witness my first-ever campfire trial. However, as the team dragged the time and we have nothing to do, Angeline and I revisited our classrooms.

All these while, whenever I recall that I don't belong to any clique in my class, and that I just don't fit in and no one gives me a damn, I chose to believe that I have no feeling for 404 already.

But that visit to my classroom that day brought back lots of memories, and allowed me into one deep vault of my heart suddenly...


The first photo I took upon entering the now-so-empty classroom. What can I say...? It's like those movies you see, that for one moment in a flash, you thought you returned to the past, and you see your classmates playing and chatting at where you stand and see now. Then in another flash, you see this dark and empty classroom before you.

The place we once studied in, once worked hard in altogether, the place we once stayed back till evening to prepare for OLevels.. The place we "Decorated" for IPP exercise.. The place we had a visit from several disciplinary teachers.. The place.. The place..

THE Place..

As I look back, I found so much joy, so much fond memories I never knew I held on so dearly.

Overwhelmed and filled with those joy and laughter, yet, I felt, too, as empty as how this classroom now became..

Looking back.. I see how much such small little details of the classroom made my memories so meaningful and significant.. Like how innocent we had been.. How focused we were..

"Aim high~ Fly high~"

"Good Luck for Prelim!"

Such innocence came to an end by the time we tore our OLevel Entry Proof..

But just like those few guys I once held on so tightly.. I told myself, that today shall be the last day I look back at these fond memories.. Today I shall seal the vault permanently..

Because only when I've allowed myself to relive those memories and got over them, would I find the courage to move on to a new environment..


Otherwise.. I'll be bound by them forever.. Just like.. The following..

没有你们的支持，没有了你们的关心，感觉好寂寞无助。
受了伤的我，会生气，会伤心，会受伤，会诅咒，但是我不会回手。我会冲动，但我还是理智的。
但是有多少人能替我疗伤，安抚我的心情，安慰我，陪伴我？
一个也没有。
至少此时此刻一个也没有……

慧颖……
不许哭……

Had an awkward day in school today, but I shall not explain myself.

But before anything, I wish for you guys to visit THIS WEBSITE.

And after laughing your share, look at the comments and their respective dates.

In 2006, the ridiculous menus found in Beijing became the joke of the day. But THIS YEAR, you see people being impressed by how quickly Beijing has improved and corrected their English and services.

Isn't it incredible? It isn't easy to change the impression people have of you in such a short period of time.

Beijing managed it.

Can SLB manage it?



I know that some people are going to curse me for grumbling again, but seriously speaking, I am feeling lonely and redundant nowadays.

BEFORE you scamper to tag in my tagboard to reassure me that I am not redundant, think again.

I've been spending much time, too much for my own good, alone. So much so that I tend to forget what I am suppose to do, and forget what I am doing.

I can be in a crowd and feel lonely.

I can be under the sun during noon and feel cold.

I can be listening to music but experiencing dead silence.

Because things may happen around me, but much of it doesn't get to me.

I've got too many "Friends" saying that I'm emo and depressed and stuff like that.. But I choose to call it "thinking too much for my age".

What the hell do you guys know?

Yesterday and today afternoon at around 1pm on my way to school, I came across one same Auntie who seems to have lost her mind.

Mind you, people, you can lose your mind cos it's freakingly not my business as it's perfectly legal in Singapore, but IF you defame me, you know what?

I'm not going to let you off. Someone better pray for that woman that I don't meet her tomorrow. Else I'm not going to pull my punches like these two days.

You can say that I'm emo, you can say I'm depressed, you can say I act cute, but you can't tell tales just because you aren't in a good mood at the expense of my character and dignity.

Mind you, woman. If I see you tomorrow or any day again and you provoke me again, before you know it,

YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF IN A&E DEPARTMENT.

Seeing how you defame people without evidence or even when you don't know that person and he/she didn't even offend you to begin with, SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR LOSING YOUR MIND, SUCKER.

Uh-uh all you guys want, because Hui Ying isn't in a good mood today.

Too much depression makes Hui Ying murderous.

And guess what?

Enough of life stories already.

I published 334 posts last year.

For this year, this is the 334th post.

At least one more to go to make my wish come true- to blog more entries every year.

I'm still a little not used to Singapore currency nowadays.. And keep eating wrong food.. Tio like.. three times liao.. =(

I'll blog again tonight.. Cos I am in a rush now..

Remembered the days we passed messages to one another throughout the day... Remembered the times we filled notes with "sorry"s.. Remembered the times I called you.. So much so that I can remember your number by heart.. Remembered the times during Orientation Camp when I waited for you.. And stayed with you..

Remembered the times I saw you walking by me in school.. Remembered the first time I met you in library, and the first question I asked you was "Were you from Xinmin Primary?". I remembered the spark in your eyes. Remembered the emails you sent me.. Remember the nickname you gave me.. Remembered the call you made in the middle of the night just to wish me luck for OLevels.. And scolding me stupid thereafter.. And I remember the times I saw you during Homecomings...

Remembered the first time I met you during SL Camp.. Remember being in the same group as you... I remembered the North South East West cheer in the quadrangle.. I remember you being the last during the blindfolded nightwalk.. I remember you comforting me when I cried badly during SL Camp.. You were the only supportive friend I had then.. I remember applausing for you.. Remembering your SMSes to me when I was down and when my health problem worked up..

Remember the times you accompanied me at the bench on the third floor.. Remember the time you took leave from English test to drop by and say hi to me.. Remember the times I go a special route to take a glance at you.. Remember reading your DISC report and returning it to you by going to your class.. Greeting Mr. Pah and going to your seat near the window.. Remember your smiles and your tears.. Remember your presents and mine to you.. Remembering the bears and the gel present.. And the VCD you lent me..

Remembering the time that brought us together.. The time you started a conversation on MSN Messenger with me to see if I'm alright.. And that the xx-es and the pandas.. And the honey and the nickname I gave you.. Remember your SMSes.. Remember your Friendster testimonials.. Remember your birthday well wishes.. Remember the present I mailed to you.. Remember knowing your cute godsister..

Today I bought a panda card for myself.. Panda.. Such a sweet key to my fondest memories.. But today.. I made up my mind..

Today shall be the last time I spare my love to you guys.. It's enough le.. Whether we can be friends or not.. So be it.. My love for you guys end today.. Perhaps the last one may take a few more years' time.. But I'll try.. I'll remain determined to get you guys off my mind..

I know that I am a very demanding friend.

I wish for SMSes very often, I hope for friends who can understand me and reach consensus with me, I pray for people who can accompany me as and when I need a helping hand..

I know that I am a very demanding person.

I am a perfectionist, and sometimes I go haywire and hurt my friends and family. I choose to prioritise in a manner seldom done by others. I prefer to feel hurt than to be forgotten.

I know that I am a very demanding being.

I can tolerate, but never knowing how long I can hang on. I would be hurt, but I would choose to keep mum until the time I can no longer take the pain and frustration. I would choose to be violent and injure a person rather than keeping peace with my enemy.

I know that I have a very demanding character.

I ask for the best of myself, demand the best of my friends, request for the best of successes, working towards a perfect occasion. I know that I get very demanding when I hope to get a job done well on time. It sucks more, especially knowing innately that I don't have the ability nor talent.

These are what caused me to be so emo, to be so depressed, to be so disappointed, to be so pessimistic, to become so hopeless, to become so inconfident...

Are these reasons enough?

When I look in the mirror, I see a person I don't know who. I see a stranger with a deep sad look in the eyes like a bottomless pit that no happiness can fill. I see her tears welling up, and she blinks them away in a matter of minutes, like she's hiding, even from me.

I don't know her, I don't know how to help her. She doesn't know me, she feels so strange in this place we call home. She wants to run away, but where can she go?

One day, I saw her oozing blood along the streets, passing by strangers who never took a second glance at her- that is, if they even noticed someone walked passed them in the first place.

But I think I saw her. I thought I saw her.

She was oozing blood like there's no tomorrow, but her facial expression portrays a smile.


I call it a smile, because the sides of her mouth are pointed upwards.

But if you define a smile as an expression of positive emotion...

...she was carrying a plastic expression of a smile, like a Halloween mask she wore amidst the crowd. As her muscles forced the sides of her mouth up, she frowned, with the eyes like the living looking for the dead in a Tsunami aftermath.


She never followed the crowd.

And so she left a unique blood trail.

I thought that I can find her by tracing the trail of blood.

But the blood.. Led to no physical place..

It led me to her heart..

For a moment, I thought I heard frail heartbeats..

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Thump! ...... Thump! ....... Thump.... Thump....

thump........thu... thu.... thump.................

It's fading away..

But I am overwhelmed by sadness and pain..


The sadness and pain were overwhelming me.. And panicking, I ran back along the blood trail.. I hope to be free from this hurting pain of a stranger.. I want to escape from her clutches.. I know her life bears nothing but pain.. But I can't help her.. I can only run away...

As I arrive at the junction where I first spotted her, I closed my eyes and thought...


It mystified me, because it was an instinctive act, and yet it seemed just the right tactic to bring the pain and sadness away..

I saw her once again then..

She raised her frail and semi-transparent right hand.. Trembling..

She waved me goodbye...

I allowed you to enter.. Thinking naively that you may be able to help me... But seeing how you panicked.. I realised it was my fault to spread my sorrows to others.. For now.. Let me close the door leading to my heart.. I shall keep it lock from now on.. I'll clean my bloodtrail off with my tears.. Go on, and go on with your life.. Go on..

Okay, sorry, I am late, but better than never.

Anyway, wana officially announced that the new cybershop of mine has been relaunched at:


What's different is that I have two other good buddies working together with me, and we would try to bring in different ideas and DIY stuffs and services along the way. =)

Please support us, by linking us and patronising us! ^_^

Have some important things to blog in my blog by today.

Watch out for this space. =)

You guys know de lah horh.. I always say I won't blog cos I'm sick.. Minutes later I'll sign in back again and start blogging amidst the coughs, sneezes, and high temperature.

I shall leave the blogging of overseas trip till I'm better.

Anyway, thank you once again, people, for tagging in my blog. I was so worried that some weirdos will spam again offensively, but thankfully, no. =)

Read Hong You's blog while seeing stars.. Cos there were so many words and stuff like that.. Okok.. I know it's really well-written.. Just that the stars I saw were much more distracting than I thought they would be.. I'll respond when I reread it when I recover.

Also read Angeline's blog.. Also saw lotsa stars cos many teeny-weeny words.. Then saw my name lots of times amongst the stars..

Anyway.. I wana say..

I feel a little left out of my friends liao.. Dunno why..

Being out of the stupid Singapore Custom which is fully automatic now is so irritating, but other than that, the whole journey back to Kovan was enjoyable. That is, of course, before I met up with my family.

Okay, I know I didn't exactly explain, so I shall do so now.

I said before, that I hate people to pick on the presents they get, because it's kinda rude and you are actually hurting the person who bought it for you.

In order to find presents which my brother will like, I actually forgot to buy my own stuffs, until I packed my things last night.

Little did I expect those reactions of his, you know..

It's very hurting.. That he just dumped them on the van recklessly despite the fact that it is glass bottle.. A very nice one in fact.. And because one brother bought presents for his girlfriend, I thought I should buy for HIS girlfriend also, just to be fair..

And then he rejected the presents..

What the freaking hell..

This family is a tragedy..

Lonely.. Abandoned.. Isolated.. Hurt.. I don't know what else le..

Hello, people.. I'm back..

Rather ill at the moment.. Would blog more when I recover.. Probably tomorrow or the day after..

Thank you to all those who tagged, and also those who looked after my blog while I was away..

(...to be continued..)

Pardon me, cos I am a girl, and I do what girls are good at- grumbling and comparing.

Before I start, I wana clarify that while I can blog in Malaysia here and now, this would be the last time before I return to Singapore, because I would be leaving for Malacca tomorrow morning and I would not have access to computer there then. Also, I have not visited my blog since I last blogged before I left for Malaysia, because I don't want to leave my blog URL on this public computer that I am using at my relative's home. I know that it sounds weird, but yes, I don't wish for relatives and family members to visit my blog, because it's my world.

Alright. End of introduction.

Anyway, what made me having this strong urge to blog now is because I just visited MSN Group of SLB, and read what some seniors have to say in their blogs. I admit that there are both good and bad things that I read, and some I just cannot agree with.

But then, I don't intend to argue back, because like what Nelson said, we are all working towards the same goal, and it would be a sad case to be fighting with someone working towards the same goal as you- that's the real tragedy.

But what I want to say is that, I was reminded of what the seniors said during the Intensive circle, to look around you, look at the ones beside you, the ones around you. What I wanted to say was, look at them, and do you feel the love they have for the Board?

If you see your friends going off track, please do your part of loving the Board by bringing them back on track, be it graduated seniors, Ex-Cos, peers or even juniors. It's not necessarily scolding them (well, you shouldn't anyway), but actually giving them gentle reminders and encouraging them to move forward with you towards the same goal. That's what the Board is- a family, never leaving anyone behind.

Like what Charmaine said, we are candles, and we pass the light on. The same analogy applies, that if you don't share the duty of lighting up the place with other candles, you have a heavier responsibility, and you burn yourself out quickly, efficiency lower than if you share the load. It is part of bonding, of family love, of helping everyone and anyone, even yourself.

Alright, that's all I want to say about the MSN Group thingy.

Next, I wana grumble on a more personal level.

Here I am in Malaysia. So I have something to grumble about who I am travelling with.

What do you guys think of undergraduates?

I think the one I have in my home is a pest, an irritant.

When you go overseas to have fun and stuff like that, does it mean that you are not oblige to help your relatives out, even if it means using a few hours?

What happened was that my Aunt has got to make 1000 boxes for tomorrow, but she has only made 100 when she called us at about 7pm. So we decided to drop by to chat with her, and also with our manpower, we can lighten her load.

Which would matter more to you- your relative and love for others, or your own welfare and your own sleeping time?

He was angry at me and our relatives for helping so much, causing him to lose a few hours of sleep.

If you can get into University, I realised, that doesn't mean that you are morally upright. Because he is downright selfish and narrow-minded and petty for anyone to see.

I was too embarrassed, even to let people know that I have a brother like this.

I am not trying to be a showoff by being so on about helping my Aunt out, neither am I bootlicking whatsoever. It didn't occur to me as of how much sleeping time I would be left with mattered. All I thought of was helping a person in her job when she needed help urgently. Like how I would wish for my friends to help me cover up when I didn't finish my English Literature homework back in Sec 2.

It's not thinking about me, me, ME, but about us, you and lastly, me.

There were so many adults there, including people who have worked through the day and bringing us around at night.

They were not grumbling.

There were people who were having fever and been helping to finish the job since morning.

They were not grumbling.

And here it is, a Singapore prestigious university student coming to Malaysia for a holiday.

And he is grumbling.

Whose fault is it?

He should be ashamed of himself, because we are ashamed of him- really. And it freakingly isn't my fault to begin with. Just because he is the only one who doesn't realise how his pride and selfishness make him look bad doesn't mean that we have to be selfish to accomodate him.

University student? It's nothing to me. If you can't get your priorities right, if you have problems with your moral values, if you can't socialise and fit into this society, you are NOTHING.

I have witnessed how selfishness and hostility brought about misunderstandings amongst relatives, and making us drift apart. But that was the mistake of the older generation, and there's nothing I can do to change what's done.

So I can only do my part to try and protect the bonds of relatives of my generation. Is it so wrong?

Is it only then deemed right to concentrate on myself, me, my welfare, my studies, my sleeping time, my happiness, my enjoyment, my health, my girlfriend, my table tennis, my school and my mood?

Today, I know I did something right, I know I changed a little.

I say I changed, because I learnt to see the legendary "big picture", and caring for not just myself, but the well-being of the majority of the normal human beings around me.

I changed just a little, because I haven't change my habit of blogging my complaints in my blog.

I know time will prove me right, prove to me that even if I go Poly instead of JC, even if I don't go to local prestigious university like him, even if I don't care just for myself, I can definitely do way better than him. I live a happier life than him for sure. We shall see how he will suffer in the future.

I am once again right to say, that going to U doesn't necessarily mean that you are a oh-so-great person.

For those who supported me in the past and who support me now and in future, thank you for giving me the courage to go on.

For those who choose not to believe that I can succeed without going through the normal routes, MARK MY WORDS:

Arrived safely in Malaysia Ipoh at half past five in the evening.

So far so good, just that it's getting a little boring around here. I will probably only be able to blog for today and tomorrow, leaving for Malacca thereafter and hence would be, once again, deprived of technology.

Anyway.. Hope you guys are living well! Lol.

Although less than 24hours passed since I last blogged and less than two days since I left Singapore, I'm starting to miss the feeling of familiarity and sense of security very much already. =)

Oh yeah, before I left Singapore, I actually wanted to do a list of "Five things of Singapore I will miss most". So anyway, here it goes:

Not in any particular order,

(1) Convenience of getting around
As I'm familiar with the bus routes and stuff like that, I can go out on my own knowing that I would not get lost. Here, in Malaysia, though, I don't even know the exact place where I am currently living at, and it's way too long a route out to where shops are. So.. yeah.

(2) Cleanliness and Safety
To me, the two things are just as important, just the same thing. Like how I miss the neatly constructed roads and stairs steps.. Yeah. And always knowing that the railings are clean and safe to touch and stuffs. It's such little details in life that I never paid real attention to, and only realising how much it mattered to me in my life when it is missing. That's why a saying goes, that the best way to know the value of something is to lose it.

(3) Macs and KFCs
These places are so damn common in Singapore and less common here! Lol. Here, as in Malaysia. Yepz. Then it's like, so very inconvenient. And for those who haven't really been to Malaysia, you may be surprised to know that some KFC branches here actually use plates that can be washed, not thrown after use kind. Yepz. And then the fastfood restaurants calculate with cents, and that.. They include chilli sauce in your bill, but of course, $0.00.

(4) FRIENDS!!
Yes! Friends! It's like so boring here without the irritating CABALAH and the perfect English user Sinli, lolx. And yeah.. Cannot suka suka go out, because if I want to go out with them now, I'll have to take up to ten hours before I can get back and meet them. By then, the mood would have been long gone.

(5) Phone usage!
Yeah lah! SMS you guys now have to add +65 in front else send to Malaysia.. And I have to pay 75cents per SMS! So damn expensive! So it deprives me of crapping on SMSes with my dear friends and stuff like that.. Then have to try and squeeze lots of info in as little SMSes as possible. LOL. Damn miserable sad case.

I hope that SL Intensive was super glue,
it brings different bits and pieces together forever,
and can withstand the pulls of external factors.

I hope that the SLs' believe and trust is like Olympic fire,
it passes on and on from person to person,
and can be remembered forever as a section of glorious history.

I hope that the SLs' passion is like the Indonesia forest fire,
no one can stop it from burning,
and no one can forget its significance.

I hope that the Board is bonded like metal chains,
producing sounds when different parts hit together,
and produce never-seen-before chemistry.

I hope that the SLAB members have confidence like diamonds
never afraid to shine, even if it's amidst competitors or darkness,
and stand up tall and proud of your belief in your peers.

I hope that the seniors have love, care and concern for the juniors,
always there for them and always on to contribute,
and reassure the juniors that things will turn out alright.

I hope that the juniors have respect for the seniors,
justifying their feelings and not venting anger on them,
and always remaining grateful and humble no matter how high a promotion you get.

I hope..

I hope..

I hope..

My brothers can be very lame, especially in front of foreigners of our age group. The Thai visitor came today to join us for a day, and the below is an extract from the lame introduction my brother gave, leading to a very lame conversation:

Bro: Hey, I am Tom Cruise. This is my sister, Tom boy.

Me: ... (-_-)

Thai: Oh, my name is Mr. Phat. You can call me Mr. Pitt. P-I-T-T.

Bro: Huh? Why?

Thai: Oh, because I look like Brad Pitt.

Me and Bro: !!! -_____-

Anyway..

I'll be leaving for Malaysia tomorrow morning 7am.. Guess bestie Angel can't say final goodbye before I leave, cos she usually sleeps until 12pm you see.. XP

Anyway.. I'll only be returning on Thursday evening.. So till then, goodbye to you guys readers!
^_^

Once again, Sinli and Angel, please help me keep my blog pure and clean, and you are only allowed to blog that you rock. ^_^

Koped the following from someone's blog, the someone having koped from another's blog.


Don't you guys agree?

Actually uploaded all the photos for this post on the 4th of December, but it's only now that I have the mood to blog about this.



The following photo was taken on my way to meet Angeline for my first-ever KBox session.



This stretch of road on the overhead bridge holds many fond memories I have, because I walk pass this stretch every morning without fail to school since Primary 1.



Perhaps it isn't clear, but there are actually lines on the road, forming rectangles following rectangles from one end to the other.



When I was young and very short, I used to treat them as barriers, and jump from one to the next, trying not to step on the lines.



And when I grew older and the fun starts to wear off, I started to practise crossing the road, by pretending that the bridge stretch is the road, and I can cross only when there's no vehicle. As people walk by me in haste, rushing for work, rushing from one point to the other, they often look at me like I'm some alien. I was the only one who saw sense in what I was doing.



It is just like inside jokes of each class, or codes which, when said, only SLB members would understand. Like if you go outside and ask people to do the "C thing", you'll be stared at like an alien.



This made me realise, that only when people get close together long enough will they have common topics to talk about, and have the right to share memories and jokes.



Just like couples. I read a book of my idol back when I was in Malaysia, that says about a couple who wasn't that close together actually.


One day the guy wondered, looks like we would be breaking up soon.. But why don't we ever argue like the other couples..?



Only then did he realise, that they are not even close, so much so that they don't even have the same things to argue about. Argueing is a form of knowledge, a legacy of memories.. Be contented that you can argue with your friends..

Something to cheer you guys up..

The following is my China neighbour.. Haha.. The young girl doesn't talk when she was very young.. Then she doesn't even respond.. Making us think that she was you know.. something disabled.. Then one day she suddenly respond.. So cool.. Now so cute liao..

Post on Trip to Malaysia starts here..



Here is the expressway the coach passes after Singapore Custom..










Arrival in K.L. city centre borderline.
The smell of shit is pungent, you can see clogged drains, you see people, people and PEOPLE, of all shapes, colours and sizes.

Upon finding our relative, we have to walked near to a kilometer to where their car was parked, passing by a hospital which was named rather humorously in Chinese.

Had a vegetarian "feast" in Shah Alam, and it was night time already.

One day wasted.

I remember that Singapore's teaching was "A for Apple, B for Bear".
Well, seems like Malaysia's version is "A for Ant, B for Bed".
Something different for a change.

The following picture may seem unsightly, but anyway, it shows Hui Ying blowing bubblegum. This is one thing you don't get to do in Singapore's Broad daylight.

Then the following is my relative.. Urm.. University Graduate. Married. So yah. Guys.. Give up hope.

Then my Momo in my shirt..

My relative de Hubby with their son, figuring out how to do the wooden Lobster model, the kind we find in Singapore Pasar Malam.



One thing I wana say is, Malaysia now sells the Rubric Cube, or whatever you call it, but a Sudoku versiO. Those pro in the former can try the latter. So damn cool.

Me, emo-ing after Bathing. Miserable day anyway..

Kok-kok-keh isn't something you often see in Singapore's everyday life.

But I see it everyday during my stay in Shah Alam.

On the third day, we set off to Genting foot of mountain.. There's a vegetable farm.. That doesn't use fertiliser and pesticides totally. Scenery is nice.

The obscene tree.

The GuZheng in the sky..

Don't blame me for being so lame.. It's because I truly have nothing better to do.

Green Grapes up for grabs, but mind you, they are SOUR.

Woah.. Then I tell you guys ah.. The farm pissed me off cos got damn lot of mosquitos like the number of people queueing up for Hello Kitty lorh..

But there was this little baby boy who walked out of the hut there who really really brightened up my day, considering the fact that he is DAMN CUTE.

A little more information about the little boy.

He is the grandson of the owner of the farm, the child of a family consisting of just his mother and him.

What really struck me was what a nice character he has. He seeks attention just like any other baby, but there is a limit to what he does. If you just refuse to respond to him, he just walks away and find another person.

And he is very generous, because at his age, he is already helping to "harvest" some seeds, and he would use his fingers to get hold of one seed and attempt to give it to visitors in a very innocent way. At his age, it's surprising how much goodness of his character is shown.

Some greeneries..

The picture below shows the daughter (with a yellow bag) of the farm owner introducing their special farming methods that lengthen the lifespan of the soil. She, is the mother of the little boy above. =)

Can you guys believe that these veges are grown without using artificial fertilisers nor pesticides?

One special highlight of the farm is that the owner leaves a crop of land of veges for the pests to feed on. And surprisingly, although the pests would attack the veges when they just sprouted, they would leave them alone once they become big leafy veges.

This is call the equilibrium of life- no one should try and take control, because every specie should be allowed to live their own way. We can't be too selfish.

One impressive fact is that the owner has not killed any pest since the start of his farming career. He said that they cultivate organic veges not for the organic veges, but as a mean to salvage the dire straits of the soil.

So I want to advise you guys, that if you want to try taking the Five-Star Coach, choose to take it from Malaysia back to Singapore, cos either way, your ticket costs 60bucks. CURRENCY DIFFERENCE IS FREAKING BIG. And most likely Malaysia back to Singapore traffic jam, can enjoy longer period of time. =)

Went with three bags, return with FIVE bags.
The room we lived in for the past three-four days.

New Royal Law for Friends of Hui Ying aka Hwee Yin aka Hwing aka Altux 3cho3y aka echo:

Do not apologise.

Those who break the law will be sentenced to one second in jail and fined 0.01baht.

Let me share a piece of good news with you guys..

For background info, my blog tagboard viewership last year was just 100 over.

This year, the figures shot up and below is the latest update:

Views: 13,173
Views / day: 15
Posts: 2,474
Posts / day: 3

Thank you people, for tagging, and of course, for SPamming every now and then..

You guys brightened up my day for once.. =)

I shall refrain from emo-ing for a day.. =)

Ok, half a day is a challenge already..

Didn't sleep well last night, woke up with neck aching until now.

Feeling a little better at the moment as compared to the past few days, past few hours..

Wana thank Ah Des, Sinli, Angel, Claire and Hong You..

And sorry to make you guys worry..

And Elgin.. I didn't mean to make you guilty or what.. Instead, I am impressed by how much you've grown.. How much you truly care for the Board and the SLs outside duties and responsibilities..

There have been some incidents recently since camp.. That frightened me.. Because I thought.. It's gone.. But it returned last night.. Shall I share it here...?

I have a feeling since young, that I died before by jumping off a building.. A blue building..

Whenever I'm tensed or cold or something when I sleep, the scene will reenact in my dream, again and again.. And I'll be able to feel the thump on the ground as I fell.. I can feel the drop.. I can feel myself looking at myself on the ground..

Such dream started since young.. It stopped for a period.. And now it's coming back.. It's scary..

And..

I still can't understand how I feel about the Board.. Whether to stay.. Or.. I dunno..

I'm touched by all the tags SLs and S.L. left for me, but.. I have a feeling that something is holding me back.. Confused..

You guys know the worst way of crying?

It is crying without tears, without facial expressions, without noise, without detection.

That's how I cried today, more than once, more than twice.

Had a couple of feeble attempts of strengthening myself today, but all failed.

I wana apologise to seniors and juniors alike who felt guilty because of my emotional self. I can't bear to leave you guys.. Neither am I allowing myself to stay..

I dunno what I want now.. I need someone's help, but I'm not part of the school.. Can I still ask for someone's help..?

Received a call last night.. But no, I turned it down.. Because I don't know how to face my classmates, my schoolmates, my playpals..

I don't want to disturb you guys too much, I don't want to be a burden, yet I don't wish to be abandoned at the same time.. All the more I don't want guilt or apologies because of me..

I don't know what I want..

It hurts, when the love is too strong to be erased..

A little emotional at the moment.

Today marks the last chance I have of reading a new Harlem Beat serie, because the story ended by the 29th book- the one I just finished reading minutes before I decided to come online and blog about it.

Harlem Beat has been an inspiration to be since long ago. The first time I read it was when I found it amongst books my neighbour gave us when they need them no more. That first book was one of the middle serie in English, and it inspired me a lot, touched my heart very surprisingly.

Since that day I finished reading that book, I declared my love for Harlem Beat, and spent the following three to four years tracking it down.

At that point in time, I didn't know there was some shop call Comics Connection. So days passed, and I continue to go around searching for it.

When I felt down and yet did not have Harlem Beat, I would come online and search for it on Yahoo search engine for shards of it uploaded as previews. Those little bits were sufficient to inspire me and cheer me on.

Some years back, I chanced upon it, and my mother bought all there was for me from book one then. From then on, I always try to save money with Harlem Beat in mind.

Lots of things came to an end in 2007--

My CCA came to an end, my life as SL came to an end, my egoistic character came to an end, my extremist thinking habit came to an end, my Secondary School life came to an end, my immaturity towards certain issues came to an end...

There had been touchy moments of mine which I am not afraid to admit.

I admit that I'll miss all these parts of memories, of myself, of my life so far.

Habits don't exist right from the start. So I'll take this courage these memories left me into the future endeavors in creating new habits.

Everyone has to change, nothing ever stays.

But as I leave, I'll always remember these schools, be it Nativity Church Centre, Xinmin Primary or Xinmin Secondary.. All these sanctuaries are places I call home.

These home, together with its families and members and benefactors, kept me safe and warm in times of need, and taught me to work hard when I face setbacks and wanted to run away..

I don't know how else to phrase my gratitude and how emotional I am at the moment.. As I end this emotional entry today, allow me to use the final three words to express my extreme love enclosed in the memories in me:

I can't help but do advertisement for this:

Kim Jeong Hoon will be in Singapore as the Ambassador for Channel U's Korean Wave!

Kim Jeong Hoon Flight Details:

I know you freakingly don't care, but I still want to say,

I felt very insulted at then, and I am offended.

Best thing is that I give a damn about that,

That's why I ain't gonna give a damn about you at all le.

Go suffer all you want.

Cut short hair liaoz.

SLs, please login to MSN Group of SLB and participate. =)

I actually prepared a post on my trip to Malaysia, but come to think of it, I think that can wait.

Ah Des, I'll give you and Andrew an answer here by tomorrow.

I must admit that SLB has been on my mind all these while eversince the start of the camp.

This is the first time I saw SLB as SLB, not as my family. It was a chance for me to see this Board and its members from a third person point of view.

Things got emotional, and I saw juniors laughing.

I don't blame you guys whatsoever, because two to three years ago, I was one of those laughing at emo seniors, too.

It seems all like a joke, the departure, but once your turn comes, you'll see how much your heart would actually ache. That is, of course, only if you've once loved the Board very much.

I think I've read all the tags in my blog so far till now, until Claire's. Thank you guys so much, for caring, getting me emotional all over again. But I still want to say, that you guys have been great campers, awesome encouragements, unexpected inspirations, especially to me.

I'm glad to see SLs like Wet, Dom, Elgin, Zi En and Claire growing up and being more matured since the last time we met. You guys have to work hard for the board now and forever until you can no longer wake up, because I know you guys love SLB as much as I do.

I can't explain much here. And as of now,

I'm sorry, and Thank you for your care,

are the only two things I can tell you guys.

Goodnight, people.

This post shall be a photo-ful blog post about SL Intensive. Feel free to download the photos, but please remember to credit.. Don't be so shameless as to claim that you OWN it. Also.. Don't abuse the use of them. I trust you guys. =)

Got to camp during the first night at about 8pm. The first thing I actually did was to take a photo of my name tag for the camp.

The following of Dom and Shi Ting was taken during the first Sing-along, during which the seniors got excited at reminder of the dance of the previous camp..

"I believe I can, I believe I will..."

I cannot remember the entire dance, but the adreline rush of the dance then remains vividly to me. As of how the final dance was a combination of various dances from various groups, and how we had to differentiate between a dance and a performance.

The following scene was what broke my heart.

I know that these nice seniors of ours were from Uniform Groups (UGs), but it remains heartbreaking to see them being the most hardworking, most passionate, most 'on', and yet at the same time, the ones who benefit the least, the ones who suffer the most.

As they hastily visit dreamland on tables outside Science Staffroom, their coughings and sneezings remain ever so clear to me in my memory.

I can remember what the emotion I felt was- Guilt.

Eons since I last stepped into SL Room. Seeing the new notices on the board, the so-oh-cute signatures of the "Graddies", it reminds me of the past notices SLs my batch once wrote in its place.

The following is taken on the second morning of the camp, of Shi Ting trying to figure out how to open the tin of Condensed milk with a Swiss Knife, correct me if I'm mistaken.

She succeeded, of course, eventually.

As I see Cassandra and Shi Ting taking up the responsibility in my place, I realised what nice people they are, how willing they are to help, how they are not calculative as of what they do and how much they help.

Perhaps the two of you didn't realise, but your help at my time of helplessness shook me emotionally, touched me to the bottom of my heart.

As the guys work hard and play hard the night before, they had little rest. So as the "kids" have Discipline Lecture and the rest of us help in setting up Obstacle Course stuff, Zu Yao actually fell asleep on one bench in the middle of the quadrangle.

It seems to be in the shade, but let me tell you this, he slept in the scorching sun, and even has I knocked on his head, he didn't move a single bit.

It goes to show how tired he must have been to be in such a deep sleep despite the disturbance and discomfort.

Xin Ku Nin Le.

The briefing for trekking followed next after Obstacle Course, I think.

Hong You was, once again, the one taking up the job. All the talk on walking in opposite direction as the traffic, walking in single file, packing of things..

These are things I never got to learn in my CCA.

That doesn't mean that my CCA is inferior. It just shows that I have a lot of things to learn as an ignorant kid in SLB. That, again, doesn't mean that I dislike being taught in SLB, so meaning to say, I don't hate SLB.

The following shows the very great speaker, Jun Jin, asleep in Ops Room in broad daylight. Don't mind that pose. What struck me was how tired every senior got, many not disturbed despite the noise around.


That would give you an idea of how deprived of sleep many seniors were, like what I blogged some time earlier, that the number of hours of sleep total up was less than 10 throughout the camp. All many seniors could manage was just naps of five minutes here and there to make up for the loss.

So once again I shall say, juniors, remember to thank those Super Seniors of yours, because they are truly super awesome.

The following shows the seniors coming together to sew the banner.

As the campers went trekking, Angeline and I stayed back to sew the pieces together and do the touchups. But what was tougher was sewing the pieces again, onto a new piece of fabric.

I admit, it turned me off, the hard work required, and I didn't do much for that.

The following shows Aishah during the camp.

Notice that the above picture shows sewing in the morning, and the one below shows that it's night time.

That goes to show how long your seniors slogged in order to get the banner done on time.

The funny side of Aishah is not something you get to see very often- it's what we call a once in a blue moon occurence.

Notice a cat resting on the piano seat?

This is the answer to the mystery as of why there wasn't any cockroach in the canteen during either the second or the third night of the camp.

Time sped by, and before long, it was time to clear out of the bunks, and assemble with luggages.

Seeing how the juniors are cheering, singing, laughing together as a whole board and not just cliques go to show how bonded they have become.

What got more touching was them running to help the others who were taking longer to pack their stuffs.

It occurred to me that with such bonds, the SLB is getting very strong..

I admit, that for many seniors including me, it was a little disappointing not to find as many Warm Fuzzies for us as compared to the past.

But I saw one which was especially sweet, from Miss Kuck. I forgot who was the "heng" one to get it, though.

But then again, that isn't the main point.

The main point was that it actually reminded me the rationale behind W.F.- why we want it, what good they do.

What good do you think they do?

The last day of Intensive came before long, and the incidental organising of Seniors having to demonstrate how to cross the new generation of Electric fence caused much jokes, especially with two funny people, Shi Ting and Jun Jin, acting and looking funny in their attire and body language before they started the demo.

Jun Jin actually looked like he was wearing pencil-skirt, as he rolled his pants up, afraid that Fariz may pull it off him by accident during the transportation.

Talking of D.B. Head, below shows him and Zu Yao riding on Fariz, singing and acting out Jay Chou's "Niu Zai Hen Mang".

Khee Ern was actually swinging is right hand, singing..

"Bu Yong Ma Fan Le.. Bu Yong Ma Fan Le.."

The Demo then started with throwing Jasper over. Notice that he is wearing "funny attire" too.

Then JJ's turn.

From the transporting, it's apparent as of how much faith and belief the seniors have in one another, especially the guys. Be it success or failure, hardship or enjoyment, they share their emotions and trust all the same.

They may fight and scold one another today, but the next moment before you realise it, they are good buddies once again.

This is the kind of spirit SLB should have, of looking out for one another, fostering bonds that remain intact after blows, and strengthening through the tough times, the hardships, never allowing doubt or hostility to come in between.

Trust, is what brings people closer together as you shed the shield you have before others. Trust allows connection amongs people, allows fostering of genuine and everlasting bonds.

Believe, is what makes impossible nothing, is what makes hardships seem like jokes in life.

I remember the SL Intensive last year with Sunita, when the debrief time came and she asked us, besides trying to bring your buddies out, did we assure them that they would be fine?

While we get all caught up trying to save them physically, how much have we done to protect them mentally?

Yes, we as a group shouted out, "Don't worry! It will be fine! Over in a few minutes!"

But as we ourselves get panicky and worried, looking all flustered, have we considered how assuring our words were?

Just like in SLB, just like in any sports tournaments.

If your coach is telling you, "As a team, you can succeed! Work hard! Fight hard!", yet clenching his fists and cannot focus when telling you, does it convince you that he believes what he tells you to believe?

If you can't protect the school population, you yourself don't believe that you can help the board and protect the school and the population, how do you expect the students to place their faith and trust in you?

There is something I want to tell juniors reading my blog.

Do you guys realise the difference between the first and second attempts at Electric Fence?

During the first attempt as many seniors observe from the side, many remain inert as of what was happening, and instead of coming up with ways to get everyone safely through, SLs were argueing, trying to dissuade people from choosing them as the last few to leave the ring.

At that point in time, SLs were caring for themselves. Just themselves.

That's why you guys failed.







Okay. Then came the part when the seniors got bored, and started taking photos for memory's sake.

Then came the unexpected Tau Pok session.

If you are wondering why it was such fun for those on top, trying figuring out who is the boy at the base.

Astroboy, the boy who flew out of the Electric Fence in the first place.

Khee Ern doing lame things again, this time imitating the above attempts of the juniors to get the last girl out of the fences, singing "Niu Zai Hen Mang" again, with his right hand patting on Fariz's back every now and then, motioning him to move forward.

Another funny thing I heard was that Khee Ern navigated by turning Fariz head in that direction. LOL.

The following pictures give the juniors an idea as of what the seniors were doing behind the curtains on stage with all the banging noises.

They were trying out the method to pull the last person out of the fence without jumping.

The following was the juniors' attempt at pyramid to get Wei Yeat out of the ring.

Seeing how the guys at the bottom row knelt, it truly broke my heart. Like what I told Mr. Chee, Xin Hen Tong.

There are some things I wish for juniors to know.

For those who did not come for the camp, I hope you guys would try to join the new bonded Board too, and work hard again to bring the school spirit up again, just like many years ago.

Let it start with Orientation 2008- let it be a good start to a good year ahead.

For those who pon the camp, thinking that the seniors are ignorant, think again. You are the one at loss. If people like Kenny could return for a while, willingly joining in despite having loose bowels for the first few days, sacrificing resting time for the Standard Chartered Marathon the next day, I don't see why you guys can't make it to the camp.

Just when you think that what you felt was superiority that's pulling you back, think again. It may just be cowardice, immaturity and proudness on your part. And you are losing out what the juniors gained. Maybe you think it's time to protect yourself, but think again. Ever heard of Cao Mei Zu, they are people who struggle in reality just because they were too well-protected.

Reflect, and reconsider what you intend to do, how you intend to carry yourself from this point on.

On a more personal level, I want to thank and apologise to those who care about me since the time I posted the past few posts in this blog.

I know you guys care now; you guys just show it differently, but I can't just agree to join because of this concern, else I think that would really be an irresponsible decision.

But nonetheless, I want to let you guys know, my love for SLB hasn't died just yet. =)

I see every SL as my sibling, ones who have surpassed me since long ago.

@ 8:10 PM

Monday, December 03, 2007

Let me clarify this beforehand- I'm NOT a racist. It's purely coincidental.

Just received a phone call, and here's the conversation.

Caller: Hello? (Loudly and rudely)

Me: Who are you looking for?

Caller: (half-shouting) RITA eh? Rita in?

Me: Eh.. Wrong number.

Caller: Is this a minimart not?

Me: Urm. No. Wrong number.

Caller: (speaks to the person beside him or something like that) Eh! Wrong number lah~ *blah blah blah* (Hang phone call)

Don't people their age know what is politeness? What? You call in a freakingly bad manner and you don't even say sorry or what?

What the heck?!

SHAME ON YOU.

@ 7:20 PM

Fifth post for the day..

Just told that the Thai visitor in my home is actually a University Lecturer for the past SEVEN years.

I tried to recall what I did in the past seven years.. And realised that I've been doing.. Nothing really significant, unlike Kenny Sia, whose even one year as a twenty-four-year-old is enriching already.

Anyway, I think it's Thailand King's birthday today, because the Thai visitors to my home returned yesterday to celebrate it.

The Lecturer in my home, though, have to stay in Singapore, but throughout the days, he has been wearing a yellow Friendship band on the wrist with the words "Long Live The King" engraved.

It occurred to me how very patriotic the Thais are, and as far as I've seen, Thais may look different, but they have a thing in common- their politeness. Their politeness is way above our standards. To us, it's like not talking loudly on the phone in public places, not sneezing or burping loudly and greeting people, to them, it's one notch higher.

Besides our definitions, they speak at a suitable volume, they talk only when they are expected to, they bend a little while walking across you, they eat what you order, they pay respect to all sacred statues they see, be it in their home, my home, or a stranger's home.

I'm not being obsessed with the lecturer. I'm just awed by how wonderful they can be despite the backwardness of their country in terms of development in many aspects.

Another fascinating thing that I learnt today was that instead of using the Western record of years (2007 this year), they use the Buddha's record, which means that this year is actually 2500+ already. They use the latter in record of their birthdates and stuffs on their identification cards etc.

Hope you guys know Thais a little better after reading this post.

@ 7:09 PM

Ah Des, I can't promise that I won't emo that much, because there are lotsa things to emo about.

The picture above brought tears to me today. Now I know how it feels to be heartbroken.

Perhaps you guys don't understand, but currently, I feel like a total stranger to the picture.

Perhaps you guys weren't aware, but I saw yesterday as the last time I attend any SL activity.

Although I never explain, that doesn't mean that I can't leave.

I know that no one cares how I feel about the board now, because I'm no longer part of it since so long ago.

I became aware that be it in the Board, in school, or at home for any matter, no one actually understands how I feel.

My feelings aren't exactly respected and acknowledged.

So my point is.

I'm tired of life already.

Can I fast forward now?

Don't tell me you understand me, because no one has the right to say that now.

Don't tell me that you care, because if you do, you would have approached me before today.

Don't tell me things are alright, because you don't understand how hurt I am.

Don't tell me I'm a shagua, because you are the one who neglected my feelings.

Don't ask for my help, because you are a selfish freak right from the very start.

Don't tell me to take care of myself, because you should have known that it is something too difficult for me to learn.

Don't tell me to give up, because I can never do it.

Don't tell me to forget it, because I would have if I can, I would not if I can't, and that law doesn't change just because two words of yours.

The best thing in life with me is probably knowing that you don't have to care about me anymore.

The bestest thing?

You wish I'm dead.

@ 5:31 PM

HOW OLD DO U ACT?
Put an X in the ones you do, then add them up and that's your age!

[x] I know how to cook toast
[x] I can do my own laundry.
[x] I can cook for myself.
[x] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations.
Total So Far: 4

[x] I show up for school MOST of the time unless I'm sick.
[ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[x] I've never gotten a detention.
[x] I've watched talk shows.
[ ] I drink coffee at least once a week.
Total So Far: 7

[x] I know how to run the dish washer and/or do the dishes.
[ ] I can count to 5 in either Spanish/French /German/Italian/etc.
[ ] When I say I'm going to do something I do it.
[ ] I can mow the lawn.
[ ] I remember to water my plants.
[x] I study when I HAVE to.
[ ] I pay attention at school.
[ ] I remember to feed my pets.
Total So Far: 9

[x] I can spell experience without looking it up.
[ ] The first thing I do when I get home is eat.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[x] I understand jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type fast
Total So Far: 13

[x] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour
[x] I realize that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job[x] I can read a book and actually finish it
Total So Far: 16

[x] I knew that the alphabet and twinkle twinkle little star have the same rythym
[x] You just checked
[x]I noticed rhythm is spelled wrong
[x] You actually watch the weather
Total : 20

Not fun. Neither accurate.

@ 5:25 PM

Pardon me for posting this post, though I do hope readers would be able to understand.

SL Intensive Camp has officially ended. There were some touchy moments here and there, some tiring moments and all. Like what many people said and blogged about, I, too, learnt many things from the camp. Such lessons go beyond daily routines and MOE syllabus, and beyond what words can express.

From the circles formed (three, to be exact), many people start thinking about their positions in SLB again, and who they are, what they want to achieve and stuff like that. While the juniors regain their passion for the board, the seniors have a pressing matter in mind, too. Mr. Chee told the seniors some things in the hall during the electric fence.

Some who were there have currently started considering his words and all.. Whether they want to be in it.

But as of me, I'm starting to consider backing out already.

As I calmed myself down and look at the entire camp as a whole, I think it is what's discouraging me from joining, and I mean it. I know one less Hwee Yin wouldn't make any difference to the group, and the camp proved me right.

Because in terms of skills, there are peers around me like Cass and Shi Ting who are more capable, in terms of leadership, we have people like Ah Des, Andrew, Yu Chuan, Aishah and not forgetting Stephanie and Nelson.

Another thing is, what Yu Chuan told me during one sewing session in the Operation Room shook me too. It isn't exactly offensive, just that it made me realise.. Lots of things. Lots of things I failed to see. Lots of reasons why I shouldn't be a part of the puzzle.

And I just realised that.. All these are my fault.. My shortcomings.. Just like how I have the habit of announcing my hates in my blog.. Like how I love people tagging me.. Like how I hate to be neglected.. It's all the same.. My fault.

Upon finishing this post, I would want to say..

Yes, I wana back out now.

@ 4:47 PM

Guess what?

I woke up this morning and the first thought that came to my mind was 'Need prepare Milo le mah...?'

LOL.

The best times remain the hardest to forget. Perhaps. Perhaps making Milo was the most tedious, most agonizing, most fruitless, most discouraging thing, but remembering the times I joked with so many SLs past and present then.. Yeah. It remains a sweet memory.

If it hadn't been a rush yesterday, I would have touched on something more during the final circle. But as compared to apologising to 'the ***s', I think.. Yeah. Less important.

Okok.. Too emo liao. Later continue.

@ 10:16 AM

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Finally back.. And super duper drained physically and mentally.

Let me just say a few things about SL Camp.

Firstly, in this camp, this is the first time I see Basha ?? in which students can sleep in. It looks kinda cool, reminding me of first generation of Kampongs in Singapore way back then.. Some love it, some hate it. Me? I am just agonised that I don't get the chance to sleep there.

Secondly, this camp taught me super duper different Maths..
Let the number of hours I slept in the first night, second night and third night be x, y and z. This camp made x+y+z<10>

Thirdly, this camp succeeded in making me cry and shake me emotionally EVERY NIGHT. Let me tell you this if you still don't know about me- crying drains me of my energy more effectively then doing 4 hours of AMaths, and this crying thing during the camp further exhaust me out. Like.. Quite irritated lah, but also think that it's worth it.

Heavy eyelids liao.. I want to go and sleep 49 hours..

@ 10:39 PM

Thursday, November 29, 2007

This post is so stupid-er-ly dedicated to one and only CABALAH~!!!

Re: Your post in MY BEAUTIFUL BLOG

I want to tell you that your blog post in MY blog right.. The rainbow colour sequence is WRONG! After RED is ORANGE, stupid! Hahax..

Another thing is that I will not, cannot, would not, blog VIOLENTLY (your choice of vocabulary), because I will not and would not be at home, so I can't blog. -_-

I did not get you or Sinli or anyone else any present from KL. And I'm sorry for scolding KL in the SMSes I sent you two, because KL is also the abbreviation of my ex-classmate and YOUR classmate (same person in reference).

I dunno about the purity of my blog as of now, because MY TAGBOARD IS NOT LOADING AGAIN!!! And I ALWAYS read your blog de, just that.. Dunno how to comment on the things you write.. Unless you praise me in your blog loh! Then I'll know that I can write.. THANK YOU! HAHAHAX!!

I did not request you to do FOC advertisement for REJOICE SHAMPOO, dude! Neither did I allow you to do publicity for YOUR blog, auntie!!

AND THANK YOU FOR WELCOMING ME BACK! MUAKXx~

With unloving death (flip over), unfaithfully (inverse), insincerely (cancellation),
3cho3yingzo07.

@ 6:29 PM

HELLO HUNKS AND BABES!!

HUIYING IS BACK!!!!!!!

Stupid Cabalah, blog with my account didn't check my blogging format ah? Never put title.. Make the Edit Post list so UG~LY~

*chuckles*

I'm in a rush to go SL Camp, so I shall post up photos of the trip "when I am free", which means that in order to see the photos, you have to wait for me to be free + in a good mood + computer functioning properly + bluetooth working + handphone battery full + computer not in usage demand by others other than me.

Anyway, the above statement is = would take a very long time before it comes true. ;)

Let me just say that, the trip TO there is horrible,
the city centre is terribly crowded, smelly, dirty and .. I-dunno-what,
the hosts were nice,
the kids were nice little children I'm starting to miss very much already,
a hunk I met there *blush^infinity* is so shuai and outgoing which I am starting to miss A LOT,
the trip back was comfortable on a 18-seater five-star coach with josstick (I was told that's what it's called, it's a game set anywayz), personal TV set (with games, chinese and english movies including huang jing jia and sheng ri kuai le and mo gong, etc...), massage thingy, own space and corner and urmz.. VERY SHIOK aircon.

But one thing which was expected yet still shook me was that I was so-called "detained" at the Singapore Custom minutes ago, because of the censoring of luggages. But it's alright, and I must admit.. Haha.. First time experience quite cool.. Then.. The "police" or whatever you call him.. Urmz.. Very polite and urmz.. Nice. Hehe.. Still help me zip my bag and stuff.. Woah.. So gentle.. HAHAHA~ I'm starting to sound like stupid CABALAH liaoz.. I thought I told her only allowed to blog that she rocks? LOL.

Anyway.. Yeah.. Let me just say that.. Lotsa tao hua nowadays.. *BLUSH!!*

Met one at Shah Alam, one at Singapore Custom and one at my home (!!!) because my Dad's Thai friends came, and one guy intends to stay to study English.. Hahax.. Very polite lah.. But.. Urmz.. A bit too polite.. Then will keep eye contact when listening and talking.. A bit paiseh lah.. Cos not many Singaporean male specie does that.. Haha..

I MISS BLOGGING!!

SHIT. UM. Haix. Leaving for camp.. Another FOUR stupid days before I blog again..

333 days out of 365 days passed, today inclusive..
300 posts posted, at least 34 more to go, this one inclusive..

AH!!! I will miss YOU GUYS!! MUAKX!!!!

Seriously GOT TO GO!

GOT TO RUN!

GOT TO FLY!!!

Oh yeah. Just in case you guys are wondering what's the last guy's name.. Hmm.. His name is..

My mother's surname. TOTALLY SPELLING SAME.

Go guess! *chuckles*

LOVE YOU GUYS!

ESP Sinli and CABALAHMUAHMUAH~

@ 6:15 PM

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hello!

This is 299th post shall be dedicated to Huiying.Yep,it's not her blogging,but [a]ngelz*]] who shall do the honour of adding a very rare blogpost here!>_<

It feels super weird to be here blogging on someone else's blog.At least on a class blog,you just have to blog what you want to talk about and sign off.But in this case,it's more about .... Oh forget it.There doesn't seems to be any word coming to my brain to sum up what I want to explain.Lol.

Anyway,its less than 24 hours for Huiying to return.And I believe she will blog 'violently' to make up for the blogpost count lost while she's away in Malaysia(which sucks according to her.think of me&sinli and everything will be fine!;p) and also the upcoming SL camp!

To loyal readers of this blog,I hope you are not bored to tears reading this!But I can't help it but say I miss Huiying!We already promised to talk in SL camp which I cannot wait!It has been just soooo long ever since we had a nice chat!Hmm.I wonder if she got us anything from KL.Haha!

Another message to Huiying:I kept your blog super pure!Do I have any reward?Rotfl!And and,it's time that you read my blog ):

Alright people!Rejoice!As long as Huiying is back,you won't see me blogging here anymore!If you love this post,you can always drop by my blog instead.Haha!

Welcome back 3cho3y!

@ 1:16 PM

Monday, November 26, 2007

How~ Great.

Just contacted Malaysia de relatives, only to know that my relatives are in Ipoh and we booked tickets to Kuala Lumpur. -_-

The adults are panicking now.. LOL.

Gastric pain this morning lah, dammit. LOL.

Today is the first time I pack TWO luggages at once, you know, one to go KL and the other to go SL Camp.

@ 9:58 AM

Setting off at 11am. =)

Love you guys..

@ 9:41 AM

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I told myself that I would NOT login again after logging out. Cos I've been logging in and out around ten times today already.

But I can't help it. I NEED to say this:

After logging out, I received an SMS from someone who complained to me about what one irresponsible junior wrote in his blog.

Yes, after rounds of elections, campaigns, voting, interviews, speeches, some juniors got the chance to rise above the others.

I know how it feels- just like how I became part of Library committee.

No one likes to 'go down' after 'going up'. Not even me, not even you, not even him, because no one likes it, unless he/she is a born buttwipe.

I know how irritating it can be, to be an Ex-Co, but then losing power as seniors reign during camp. And it's just ONE camp we are talking about here.

I know how much that SUCKS totally, because I've been through such situations before.

But try putting yourself in the shoe of another, however bad mood you may be in.

Why do you think the seniors are coming back to do this? There isn't CIP hours to claim, there isn't a SHINE award to get, there isn't public commendation, there isn't salary.

Why do you think the seniors would want to come back?

There are plenty of seniors who wouldn't even bother to take a second look at the school after the last day of OLevel, or even since they step down and need to wear a tie no more.

Why do you think THESE seniors would want to return?

If you see how much effort and time they invested for this camp, perhaps you would empathise with what they are doing, however foul mood you have.

As you rise above the others, have you considered the feelings of the others?

Fundamentally, if you put it this way- this camp where Ex-Cos are also part of the players, it'd balance the inferiority the others feel. Have you ever thought of that?

I know how that feels. Because when I couldn't take part in election, and the Ex-Cos start ordering us about, I know how it feels. Indignant. Unbalance emotionally. Eventually, all passion's gone.

It's all until the SL Intensive when SU took over the reign. It balanced off the inferiority nicely. That's the only way we can bond- when all of us are at the same level.

Do try to take in what I say, however bad mood you may have.

You have the power, but do you know how to use it?

There are some who are really outstanding, as how I tell others, as how many judged. But once they rose to power, they turn bad.

Have you thought of this probable concern of the seniors?

Have you wondered why they want a camp?

As you spend your time whining, your time announcing your 'totalitarian' rule over your life, your fate, your pride and dignity, have you ever spared a thought for those seniors who are slogging hard for the camp, sacrificing weekends to do run through?

How much have you hurt them as an empowered junior?

If you can calm down and reevaluate what you've said, you'd realise how scary and worrying you are behaving.

I've never regret praising you or whatsoever. But now that you are empowered as you said, all the more you should consider what you should write, shouldn't you?

What makes you think that your seniors are out to bring you down, are there to burst your ego? Have you ever wondered what's the right way to communicate? Have you wondered how much you've tarnished the reputation of so many? Have you wondered how hurting you are to those seniors who trained you up and slog like slaves to bring you a camp?

I am aware as of how many times I'm repeating the same things, but I just hope it's one way to get you to cool it, and reevaluate the circumstances.

I believe you'll know what to do, if you are really the right person the majority chose.
I believe you'll know what's right and what's wrong from this point on, if you are really that good as you think you are.

You can slap a person and say no offence, but you know what?

It HURTS.

You can do things the way you want.

But we shall see who would be the one cleaning up the mess after you.

If you still want to grumble after reading this entry,

let me tell you this.

I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I WRITE HERE TODAY. HAPPY OR NOT, LOOK FOR ME. IF YOU WANT TO VENT YOUR ANGER, VENT IT ON ME, COS IM THE ONE BLOGGING HERE AND NOW.

We shall see who pays for it, and who gets the last laugh, junior.

Please cool it. Really.

Stop hurting those nice seniors already.

@ 11:42 PM

当我喜欢你，
我不会让你有机会察觉我的恨。

当我讨厌你时，
我不会让你发觉我的好，
因为我会坏得很透彻，
无论是眼神或肢体语言，
我都会让你时时刻刻感觉到我的杀气。

但当我爱着你呢？

我只能以过路人的眼光看着你的生活，
我只能是个陌生人，
我只能把爱留给自己。

怎么纪念那份刻苦铭心的爱……？

还有好多没说完的话……
还有未实行的承诺……
还有狼狈时的眼泪……
还有思念着你的念头……
还有幻想着有你的未来……
还有奢望有你……
还有遗憾……
还有问号……
还有爱……

不是不大方。

是因为我真的办不到。

我欠你真的很多……
……很多。

你是不想伤害我？
还是不想挽回过去的一切？

今天的我，

走过去了。

在接下来的日子里，
当我在穿梭人群，
我永远都会相信，
你就是其中一个过路人。

昨天爱过了，
今天伤过了，
明天……
……明天……
……明天……

……听说是放弃的时候了。

但我的明天，永远都是明天。
Tomorrow, will never come...

@ 11:20 PM

因为执著我所拥有的，
所以友谊变得更脆弱。

今天是好想念你的一天。

望着蓝天，
想着的是你的轮廓。

凝望着手机，
奢望竟是你会联络我。

回忆着过去，
想念的是你的无聊，
你的固执，
你的关心，
你的贴心，
你的不要脸，
你的字字句句，
你的笑容。

你问我能够爱多久，
直到此时此刻我才有答案——
直到海崩石烂天崩地裂，
宇宙的寿命到了终止的一天，
到时候我的爱，
将成为过去。

这就是我的答案。

我不希望是个过路人，
我不希望是个普通朋友，
我更不希望是个仇人，
我希望的是回到过去，
回到我不是你的过去的现在，
回到仍有共鸣的时空。

在白色与黑色之间，
我不希望有灰色地带，
我希望……

你是我人生的色彩。

@ 11:10 PM

Just as I thought it's almost midnight-

I realised that it's just 10 plus. Time is CRAWLING.

There are some things, still, I needa get off my mind really desperately.. DAMMIT.

@ 10:41 PM

If we have to implore in order to get that something,
that something would probably become meaningless to us by the time we get it.

It's those little unexpected thrills that brings joy,
Not those things that people SPARE us.

That's why I love little cards and notes friends write for me, because I know that they care, and I know that they would think of me without me pestering them.

The reason I want to go to Malaysia is the same as going to SL camp, I want to go somewhere I belong, somewhere away from this place I call home, and find peace of mind.

On a side note,

I intend to relaunch my shop, so I'm currently looking for people who can do DIY accessories and/or do designs for teeshirts. =)

Those interested, please SMS me. =)

Sinli, I know you're interested. You no need to SMS me liao. Hahaha~

@ 7:28 PM

CHINESE POST

@ 7:26 PM

I'm back, people. Pretty shaken from what happened these few days when I'm MIA from my blog. =)

Realised that there are some people who already have judgement of me before asking me questions, so I decided to let them be, and agree with whatever they say of me. Some don't really care and yet they ask, so I decided not to divulge anything of my life and feelings to them anymore.

I want to become smarter in life, and learn how I can protect myself better.

I no longer want to explain to you, because you don't appreciate friendships, do you? I don't want to talk to you any longer, so keep a distance from me, will you? If I were to find the biggest regret in my life, that's knowing you, and helping you. Don't waste my time le. I rather take my words back. I rather break promises, lose friendships, than befriend you any longer, buttwipe.

I've gone through lots of changes these days. It's through all these challenges that I realised what I want, who I am, and what I should do. My decision of Chinese Studies would be shaky no more.

Want to thank all those who stood by me when I was vulnerable, want to thank all those who were nasty to me when I needed the setback, want to thank those who gave up being judgemental when I felt very down.. Love you guys.. I'll work hard towards my dream, and when I succeed, I'll repay you guys twice or thrice of what you did for me de! Muakx~

To that someone who used to be by my side..
Perhaps you never realised, but what's yours.. I still kept them as yours.. I've never forgotten about you.. I admit a day will come when I would forget you bit by bit.. But till now.. I want you to remember that.. The panda would still be kept yours.. I won't.. I won't ever.. Give it up.. UCO.. I'm still here..

This post probably seem very random to many readers, but please pardon me, because my mind is in a whirl and I can't think clearly. I need to let these thoughts out before I can advance.

Sorry to those who care about me and really treat me as a friend.. I should have never doubted you guys..

As of my fam.. I give up le.. I give up believing that there will be someone who understands what I'm going through.. I give up trying to patch things up.. Because I can't be the only one trying hard to make things work.. It's too much a burden.. It's too much a fantasy.. It's too much.. Just too much for me..

If you were to ask me now, I would admit that yes, I'm self-centred. But so what? I agree with my Bestest Best friend, that if I can't learn to love myself first, I can't love others, because.. I don't have the right to love others while tormenting myself..

Bestest Best Friend, CABALAH, milkfactory, Yeong Jing, UCO.. Thank you guys so much for being there.. Love you guys..... loads.. loads.. lots.. lots.. lots..

@ 6:35 PM

Thursday, November 22, 2007

AT LAST...

• My mother is starting to understand the importance of blogging in my life, to me.
  
• My daddy is starting to communicate with us, and be part of our lives.
  
• My eldest brother is capable of taking care of himself, and knows how and what to do to not make anyone in our family angry. He finally understands how to care for others.
  
• My elder brother.. Nope. I can't say he's matured- that's a lie. HAHHAA~

Okay. I'm feeling a little better because.. Yeah.

*******************

Below is a conversation I just had with Jian Wei. Notice how wols his reactions were.


Snap the essence of life. says:
ahhhhhhhh

Snap the essence of life. says:
i just realised something good about holidays

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
hhaha

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
wad

Snap the essence of life. says:
you can sleep for as long as you want

Snap the essence of life. says:
and wont feel guilty

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
...

Snap the essence of life. says:
really!

Snap the essence of life. says:
its an awesome feeling

Snap the essence of life. says:
yeap

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of
Thanksgiving. says:
...

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
you still havent put up the post for class

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
u told me up by tues remember?

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
hahax

Snap the essence of life. says:
okay

Snap the essence of life. says:
OKAYYYYY

Snap the essence of life. says:
noooooooooo

Snap the essence of life. says:
i didnt go to the gym even though i wanted to

Snap the essence of life. says:
i didnt go to have a haircut like i wanted to

Snap the essence of life. says:
what i did instead was to sleep

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
.....?

Snap the essence of life. says:
i mean for today

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
urh..

Snap the essence of life. says:
sad.

Snap the essence of life. says:
procrastinator

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
?

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
orh..

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
are you unwell or smth?

Snap the essence of life. says:
nononono

Snap the essence of life. says:
just felt too lazy to go out

Snap the essence of life. says:
thanks to fariz

Snap the essence of life. says:
if he agreed to go out in the morning

Snap the essence of life. says:
today would be a well-spent day.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
orh..

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
okay

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
and you still havent answer my question....?

Snap the essence of life. says:
yeah the posttttttt

Snap the essence of life. says:
its progressing, but not yet complete

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
orh.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
thats all i wanted to know thats all

Snap the essence of life. says:
hahaha sorry for derailing im still a bit blur

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
didnt understand why you talked all about going out, procrastinating, fariz...

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
HAHA

Snap the essence of life. says:
i just woke uppppp

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
UM.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
since last night....?!

Snap the essence of life. says:
nonono

Snap the essence of life. says:
i woke up @ 11.30

Snap the essence of life. says:
had lunch, used comp

Snap the essence of life. says:
slept at 4 again

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
orh..

Snap the essence of life. says:
too bored.

Snap the essence of life. says:
yeap.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
so rude!

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
should call Mrs Yeap.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
Cannot call ppl by surname

Snap the essence of life. says:
oh em gee

Snap the essence of life. says:
oh mai gawd

Snap the essence of life. says:
LOL.

Snap the essence of life. says:
i get the joke

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
orh.

Snap the essence of life. says:
im still a little blur you see, catch joke abit slower

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
i added to archive.that joke.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
history liao

Snap the essence of life. says:
wa!

Snap the essence of life. says:
okay

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
you really very SLOW

Snap the essence of life. says:
hahahaha sorry la

Snap the essence of life. says:
now computer just start up

Snap the essence of life. says:
loadingh

Snap the essence of life. says:
processing this and that

Snap the essence of life. says:
cannot take too much info

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
huh?

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
you online longer...

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
OH.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
THAT.

Snap the essence of life. says:
AIYO

Snap the essence of life. says:
YOU SLOW LEHHHHHHHHHh

Snap the essence of life. says:
LOL

Snap the essence of life. says:
my turn to laugh ( hehehe)

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
HAHA

Snap the essence of life. says:
yay im fully awake by now

You have just sent a nudge.

Snap the essence of life. just sent you a nudge.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
extra nudge to wake you

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
hahax.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
WOAH.

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
revenge ah~

Snap the essence of life. says:
YEAH

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
petty hei she hui lao da

Snap the essence of life. says:
ROAR!

Snap the essence of life. says:
hahahaha

Snap the essence of life. says:
i am the leader

Snap the essence of life. says:
of

Snap the essence of life. says:
Sleep-in-class Gang

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
hei se hui mei mei

Snap the essence of life. says:
no la actually that is *censored from my blog*

Gratitude. Graciousness. Giving. Glory. Generosity. End of Year- the season of Thanksgiving. says:
you are leader of hei se hui mei mei

Snap the essence of life. says:
nooooooooooooo

@ 6:37 PM

Went to sell off my textbooks and worksheets today.. They were over 100kg in total, and got $20 bucks in return. But donated the money anyway.

Urmz..

Went AMK Hub today, then urmz.. Fun lo.. Though abit sian liao..

Momo keep bringing up 'weird' suggestions for me out of the blue.. I know she's just kidding, but little does she know that I'll really be taking up those lessons once I get to Poly. LOL.

@ 2:42 PM

I know this sounds stupid, but my brothers have been nice people.

Eldest brother bought me Jay Chou's new Album "Wo Hen Mang" for no reason! Haha..

Elder brother and I had a conversation the night I lost my wallet..

Him: Ei, you want me buy back that same wallet for you?

Me: ...Uh.. Whatever lah..

Him: Okay.. Wait until next year your birthday I would have saved up enough money to buy for you..

Me: -__- Then forget it lah~ Haiyo..

@ 10:04 AM

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I found a way to put my thoughts in words.

Like..

I'm a dignified person who has very strong sense of what is pride.. So I may be there for my friends, but I am mostly reluctant to confide in others, because I don't wish to let people see the weaker side of me so easily. Although I often write in these blogs on what's troubling me, but I seldom go into detail, especially because many often choose to assume what's bothering me.

Many people told me that I seem very cold-blooded to them, the look in my eyes is very icy. But is it really that case? Perhaps it's because of what's troubling me, that's why I find it very hard to smile already. Moreover, I don't see why I should smile for nothing, unless I'm really happy.

For now, I feel that time is passing very very slowly, because I seem to be both dreading and anticipating the trip overseas and camp.. I wish to get away from Singapore, but at the same time, I wish Sinli and Angeline would be by my side while I get a break.. Camp.. I don't know what to expect.. Feel very blank...

Can someone pei me after 2 December to KBox, pei me sing from 2pm to 7pm until I cry my sorrows and bottled troubles out? Haix.. Feels like great depression..

Wish to be able to cross over to the bright side..

What I need is neither education nor judgement, but a fulfilling mentality.

This is a tough obstacle like Berlin Wall that stands before me..

@ 7:36 PM

It's getting harder and harder to be happy.

Or rather, it's getting harder even not to be sad.

Seemed to have lost my way for real this time around..

My mind is in a whirl, like there's so much to do, but I end up sitting down and not knowing what to do.. It's a scary empty feeling.. Overwhelmed with disappointment.. Loneliness.. Helplessness.. Sadness.. Pessimistic thoughts..

Lost my ability to relay my thoughts through my blog already..

I should get Nobel Prize for discovering the power of emoness.

@ 7:26 PM

Feeling super shitty and emo today..

I can't understand adults.. Why should you freakingly be a cold blanket when it has freakingly got nothing to do with you...?!

Haix.. I'm super emo liao..

Want to cry liao..

@ 11:26 AM

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Had a fun time with Angeline today, ending up with what appears to be one very interesting KBox session.

Because of Angeline, I won't forget what's finger cord, however you spell it.

Because of KBox, I realised that Angeline's singing improved a lot, as compared to how she sang in class. I have to be honest, it's really relaxing to be with her.

Unlike some others I went out with, I find her a very.. "real" person.. Not like those who go out and still SMS or call others, and isolate me.. I don't like that kind of feeling..

Angeline and Sinli de names keep appearing in my blog posts.. I was wondering.. Would it ever change? I wish it never will. I wish more names would appear, but these two buddies would always stay close to me, and we can always stay open with one another, instead of having those masks, faking a person each of us isn't.

I really cherish every moment I have with them much as I often choose to act cool and act as if I don't give a damn. In actual fact, I do mind, I do love my friends and especially these nicey buddies. Sometimes when they tell me some things, or SMS me certain messages, or say some really sweet things either on phone, in email or on MSN messenger, I do get very touched and emo, and I am often near to the point of tearing, but more often than not, I choose to GNG.

I'm not a very adventurous person, but it's often because of the courage and sense of security they give me that assures me that things would be fine, and I'll be able to try something new.

Sinli was the first who introduced me to neoprints, Ichiban Sushi, Outing with friends outside school time, clique, draw on school worksheets, decorating things and lots more..

Angeline was the one who exposed me to the world of keeping secrets, spreading rumours, KBox, and a lot more crappy stuff. Much as they are crappy, they are fun things. =)

GA, I thought about it through last night, and I decided to tell you, that I hope you would not appear just before things happen.. I don't another being to worry for me.. Let's just let nature take its course shall we...? You must be tired.. I'm sorry that I'm so useless and complacent..

To that someone out there you know who you are..
Hope things went really awesome for you, and I do hope you'll remember that I'm always here for you as A&E, as ambulance, as sickbay, as Aunt Agony, as Social library reference section.. FOREVER. Take care of yourself and stay happy.. Sleep well.. =)

I love all of you guys, people..

I know I sound touchy today..

Don't worry, I don't intend to end my life just yet.. I can't explain a weird feeling I have today..

@ 11:00 PM

Monday, November 19, 2007

To that someone who had been warning me that my wallet may be gone the moment I stepped into that shop, thank you.

Although you failed to change the fate, but I appreciate your concern.

Sometimes I find you my guardian angel and wish you would stay, but upon realising that whenever you appear, something bad happens to me, I have mixed feelings about your appearance already.

Don't worry about me le, I'll be alright. Love you lots.

No matter how many people choose not to believe and that you are around me, I'll always care for you de. =)

@ 9:28 PM

Sad to say, I lost my wallet today, and besides my EZlink card, POSB card, Identification card, and Popular Card, the rest of my documents are missing, including message slips from nice friends like you readers, and pictures of my idols- Danson, Aaron, John-hoon.

But I got over it.

Some years ago, the same thing happened, but lagi worse, cos I lost ALL documents.

As I cried outside the plaza an hour ago, it suddenly occurred to me that if the second time this happened and I still react the same, it shows that I haven't grown up, I'm still immatured, not constructive, and I'm actually hurting my parents too, cos they feel bad for bringing me out.

So once I got home, I cried to my torto, grumbled and cursed my share, and all that I can do now, is only to pray. =)

And I want to get over it, and get on in life.

@ 9:14 PM

This post is dedicated to my class, mostly to those who attended prom.

Seeing the prom photo above, I experience both sadness and happiness.

I have no memory behind this occasion, but it's the looks of happiness that brings warmth to my heart.

Sadness, because people are still in cliques, and we are not one WHOLE class.

Kah Meng, you've been a really nice and funny friend, often bulging your eyes to tell a lame joke. Much as I'm lame, I find that your jokes remain funny to a professional joker like me. I'll always remember your inventions- ZZ, PUB and Garfield, and I'll remember how I chased you out of library back in Sec One.. Although you seem to be acting cool in class, I know that you're actually a nice person, nice to everyone, and have the patience to help others out in times of need. =) Thank you for cheering me up just before Prelim and OLevel exam..

Cun Kuang, same class with you for.. the 9th year in a row. Seeing how you changed from a chubby little whiner to a Vice Head Prefect to a comparatively thin humorous hunk now, I realised that you are one of those who make lessons in class so entertaining, cracking jokes but never to an extent that hurts others. No matter how much others tease you, you can always find courage and reason to defend yourself. I often admire how much you can love yourself, and how much rubbish you can tolerate from others. This CK I know is no longer a whiner, but a matured guy who is very lovable deep down...

Mervin, although I often hate your so-called jokes in class and those occasional glares, but then again, I'll always remember how hard you try to fit into class, to try and care for those around you, trying to get a smile on the face of your friends at the expense of your pride. Hardly any other guys is willing to do such things, so I think you should be very proud of yourself, and find the courage to work hard to your goal in time to come..

Jian Wei, thank you for all the lame jokes in Sec One which made me into this lame professor I am now, and the help and maturity you showed in Sec Two, especially during our projects. Although it remains hilarious to me as of how you laid in Instructional Room groaning to Yie Sing and I that you are too hungry to move, I'll also remember how diligent you can be, and patient, in solving disputes in our group. I think it's our honor that we had you in the group, one who is always keen to learn especially when it comes to editing videos, and always remaining humble when it comes to feedback. In addition, thank you for those words of encouragement last night when it's about 1am, cheering me up with the terrorist and MOE jokes, and assuring me that I'm not wrong to go against the majority. Also, if I ever have nightmares, I'll know that it's your Lemon Tree that's taking its effect on me. I admire you for your honesty, your sense of humour, your courage to take paths no one else ever dares.. =) I do believe that you can sing well, dude. Don't ever give it up!

Terence, although I don't know you well, and you're always like acting cool and stuff, but deep down, I know that it's just your way of working, and just because I don't like your style doesn't make you a bad person. Seeing how you can care for your friends, being there for them as much as you can, and having the courage to make things work out, I daresay that you are actually a nice person that I didn't have time, chance and fate to know better. Behind the cool-cool look, I'm sure you have a heart of warmth and love just like anyone else.

Yong Le, thank you for all the help you've given me in schoolwork and in life, although I often joked that you are waaaayy more innocent than I am. I'll remember your comparatively ugly handwriting as compared to TTS, and the looks of disappointment when you can't meet your own expectations in academic work. Behind the smiles, I'm sure you left a share of sorrow just for yourself. I do hope that you'll be more extrovert, as I do believe that that would make you a happier person. I'll also remember how you can be ever-ready to suan me, to encourage me, to pei me for meals, for chats, and be one of those few who would approach me in class when I'm so down and on the verge of breaking into tears.. =) You're one of those few who can spare friends love, care and concern with unconditionally, always giving those who are down a firm look of reassurance, telling them that "things would work out fine" and inject in them a form of courage for them to continue to work hard..

Shirleen.. Besides Primary One and Lower Secondary years, we've been in the same class for a long long time. I will never forget your cute hairstyle long long ago, and your handwriting which is super spaced out. I'll remember that you love being on the left during phototaking sessions, and your chuckles which often brighten my day.. Years passed and I see you evolving from an ignorant and immatured girl into a uhh-not-so-innocent but matured and magnanimous lady.. It's almost hard to believe that you're that cute girl I first met so many years ago.. Do continue to work hard, and may you have a happy life with good results, great successes and wonderful buddies in close-knitted clique. =)

Vanessa, I'll remember how shu nv you are, how you never ever raise your voice, how you would smile politely at even the most unfunny jokes, how you would comment on bringing me to see a doctor when I couldn't stop laughing in class.. I'll remember the beautiful focused look you portray on your face when you play GuZheng.. 8A1s.. I hope your dream would come true.. And much as I believe that you'll forget me totally one day, I hope you'll remember the joy we shared in class from macarena, Mr. Gomez to Zhou Sanyu. =X

*My heart's about to break liao.. About to cry liao..*

Wei Jin, sorry that I keep calling you -, but frankly speaking, I really appreciated your sense of humour, and how daring you are when it comes to dressing up. I'll remember those jokes you cracked in class, and those lame comments you have for teachers.. Although some are offensive, but I believe that you've never meant any harm to anyone for no particular reason. You can be a really smart guy if you choose to work hard, so please work hard alright? Jiayou, and never give up! And don't be a racist! Later next time I become Minister I sue you. Lol. No lah. Just joking.
-_-

Joshua! You and your momo that AUNTIE Stella.. Haha.. I'll remember you as the person ever-so-keen to be the first to rush out of class after Mr. Ang's lesson, and the one who carries the bag during lesson, and the one always forcing Shi Ling to change seat with you during lessons. Haha.. I'll remember your ever-so-neat handwriting, your wide smiles, and how you turn your chair around during Miss Tan's lesson ever so often, making her calling your name so often that it almost became a History-SS lessons mantra. Hope that you'll have a fulfilling school life in time to come, and always have a wonderful family and sweet lovelife.. =D

Ginny, thank you for your help during lesson, and making me feel a sense of happiness during Chemistry lesson as you try to be sarcastic and tell me how much you enjoy, love, HEART, adore Organic Chemistry and cursing organic chemistry thereafter under your breathe, almost below human audible range. I'll remember how violent you are when it comes to me, how much you hate people saying that you like - , and how you would always grumble about writing a lot for SS and History. I'll remember how much you 'love' Physics lessons, how you tease me about Mr. - and tell me how much you hate - and - . I'll remember your obsession with bears for the entire lifetime, because bears are everywhere, even on my bed. I'll remember how you'll exclaim "soooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuutteeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" in much delight when you come across cute things! ^_^ I'll remember how you look and talk when you're having morning blues, and how stern you look when you are trying to solve a Maths or Physics problem.. I'll remember your high-pitch laughters, I'll remember how much you hate the camera, I'll remember you calling Debra Debbie Chang Chang, calling me HWEEEEEEEE yin, calling Hui Jing CHEA and many many more.. I'll remember how you roll your eyes when I crack an uh-not-so-funny joke and giving me a hello-this-is-not-funny-try-harder look. Haha.. I'll remember you... and your super comparison standard handwriting.. And I know how much you hate it when I compare it with -'s. LOL.

Evelyn aka Yukiko, thank you for your concern during camp, and your constant nagging of asking me to take good care of myself, rest more, don't think too much, cheer up, and you taking over my role of lame joke cracker when I'm feeling super down.. I'll remember the number of times you offer me tissue, sometimes even PACKS of them, when I cry through two hours in class.. I'll remember how you use your delicate fingers to brush your fringe aside when you are talking or thinking, and I'll remember how you use my arm to practise as your GuZheng, poking me like mad. All thanks to you, as Ginny hits me on the left arm, you help to maintan equilibrium by poking my right arm at a rate of 50 counts per minute. LOL. You are also one person I'll remember who loves calling me HWEEEEEEEEEEEE yin and Hwee Yeng. LOL.

Chin-Wen, I won't forget how hard you always work for the class, assuring that markers are plentiful, class remains clean, decorations get put up on time and are of high standards.. I'll remember your calculator with its 16 puffy stickers, I'll remember you as a dignified shooter and yet a gentle and loving girl in class who tries to give in whenever possible, never sparing a selfish thought for yourself.. I will remember how you often tell me that you are tired, tired of Maths, tired of failures.. and always ending with encouragement for yourself, picking yourself up and fighting even more relentlessly..

Teck Guan, I admire your courage to ask people questions that are not frequent or typical, and you never allow yourself to hide your curiousity, and how you'd be honest and admit your mistakes which you made when you were too angry to think clearly. You're a sensitive person, sometimes too sensitive towards how others feel, and you neglect yourself. You'll always wish to fit in for the past three years, yet never giving in when people turn you down harshly. It's hard even to imagine how you tolerated with the partial immaturity and rudeness of the class every so often in the past, and how you'll be honest as of how much you wish to be part of the class.. You're a nice person actually, and I do believe you'll soar to great heights, and be surrounded by good and truthful buddies in the near future and all the time thereafter. Never be afraid to work hard or do what you think is right, because even if you get laughed at, you can be sure that you are the one getting the last laugh.

Hui Jing, thank you for sparing me a thought in times of need, and bearing with my rubbish back in class when I couldn't stop laughing about something. Thank you for teaching me Maths when I'm having mental block, and motivate me by showing me how hard you work, yet remaining humble except in face of Ginny. I'll remember your smiles, especially during Shi Zi Lu Kou, I'll remember how we teased Ginny together, how hard you work to make yourself reach your own target.

Cheryl, sorry for all those lame jokes which seemed to put you off every now and then. I'll remember how you enjoyed seeing me tease the person who sits beside me in class, I'll remember how you roll your eyes and announce "bu hao xiao" when I crack a universal most unfunny joke. I'll also remember how you often threaten to make Ginny give ice-cream treat if something something. Haha.. I'll remember how you would want to laugh at some jokes yet gng until whole face red then turn to face the board to laugh. I'll remember how your highlighters come into good use... =)

Yie Sing aka Xiang Gang Ren, thank you for being there to lend me your scissors eversince Sec One, and how we often compare to see who did better for HCL.. And how you'll be blur and tell me the wrong test dates, only to make me panic in advance over nothing. I'll always say I won't trust your information, but more often than not, I did again and again, and you always go red and apologise loudly saying that you didn't mean to mix the dates up. I'll remember your supposedly white and blue pencil case, which became black after four years, and I'll remember you constantly forgetting to give me your mobile phone number even until now.. I'll remember the ink colour you use for homework and together with the handwriting and english which agonise any reader. Haha.. I'll remember how we put our heads together to try and understand what a proverb means, I'll remember how tired you were during Young Directors Chair, I'll remember your relentless questionings of anything and everything.. I'll remember how you compete with Run Chao to see who is taller, how you communicated with the guys in class in dialects which left me with a super duper uber heartwarming feeling...

Shi Ling, I do sympathise you for having to tolerate with Jian WeN's never-ending creativity, be it the super ugly signatures, the singing of Lemon Tree, the lame stunts, the funny quotes he says, whatever it is. LOL. I'll remember how you'll cover your eyes, squint your eyes and try to do your work. I'll remember you telling him to "Shuddup lah!" and then ending up in fits of laughter too. I'll remember how you always "Huh?" me, and talking at machine gun speed and leaving me to "huh" also. I'll remember how hard you work, sometimes also having the heck-care lah attitude. I'll remember how you try not to laugh to stop Jian WeN from cracking jokes, but ending with even more intense laughing sessions. Thank you for all the wonderful memories you leave me. I'll also remember how you panic in class, and trying hard to understand Mrs Lim's super fast explanations..

Angie, I'll remember your gargantuan eyes, I'll remember how you use your phone under the table in class, how you always end up looking jaded during extra lessons. I'll remember you receiving award for shooting competition, I'll remember you buying skirt at OP at Compass Point, I'll remember how you made me wait for you to cross the road to a coffeeshop 15m away just to get kueh. LOL. I'll remember you working hard, asking me how good this and that assessment books are. =) I'll always keep in mind that you don't appreciate lame jokes, and when a joke really gets to you, you will laugh super hard and loud until your face go all red like my Scorpion Tee-shirt.. Don't ever get discouraged just because your hard work doesn't pay off, because you have to believe that you will succeed one day.

Debra.. SOrry that I've often been calling you deBRA when I'm feeling lame or happy, and thank you for being cooperative and encouraging, especially during SL events and camps.. I'll remember your HUGE eyes, how your eyes can be bigger than YJ and Hui Jing even when they are just squinting. I'll remember your world peace sign in photos, I'll remember how you laugh, how you take the hair slope thingy in stride. I'll remember your BIG handwriting, I'll remember your jokes, how you panic, how you call Alex -. LOL. And I'll remember how you'd grumble about someone or something but end with something to comfort yourself, and end with a smile.

(...to be continued..)

@ 10:52 AM

Chinese post here.

@ 10:48 AM

Recap of the semester

Piano versions learnt so far:
~Thousand Miles
~In the End

Dances:
~Zhong Guo Hua
~Hui Gu Niang De Yan Lei
~We're all in this together
~Wu Niang
~Shuo Ai Ni

Haix. It just doesnt feel right.. Like.. I still feel like I'm missing out on something..

Perhaps it's something called PAE..

It starts today.. Two hours ago..

=

Today is a big big emo day.

So is tomorrow.

So is the day after.

So is the following day.

So is the day after that.

So is the weekend.

Then I'll be in Malaysia by Monday.

Perhaps I just miss that home of mine.

Malaysia..

**************

Was actually feeling super duper uberly horrible yesterday, and stupid gastric pain acted up at 2am, how nice.

Lots of things happened, lots of disappointment, lots of touching dedications I received from many people, lots of encouragement online, lots of promises offline, lots of lots...

Couples often vow to be together forever, but it's only recently that I was enlighened that forever lasts as long as how much you love, how long you love. That's all.

And when you fall to the ground, you need to stand up. But even as you stand up, keep in mind that you'll still need the ground's support. The ground is call failures and experiences. The courage to stand up is call moral of the story.

Confusion. Contradiction.

**************

If I'm laughing away with my friends, but I'm blogging that I'm very sad innately, does that make me fake and ficticious?

One thing I learnt, is that I no longer have the time and patience to stay by a loved one and wait for them to see that I exist, therefore I choose not to let my emotions reign me.

Days come and go, encouragements come to me,despair come to me, at the end of the day, no one knows exactly what's hurting me.

Probably, that's what life is all about. Knowing, but remaining ignorant is the way of life.

So why is my heart racing against the time that seemed to have come to a halt?

@ 9:21 AM

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Today is a special day- A very very special day.

Chatted with lots of people today, and I learnt a lot of things. And for once since ages, I found questions in life once again.

Thank you, once again, for tagging at my tagboard, people. Be it regulars like Angelz, Sinli, Francine or Claire Claire, or occasional passerbys like Vicki, TiaPong, ZZ or Jasmine, I'm really grateful to know that I have your support at this point in time.

Oh, and Yeong Jing and Hong Bao Hong You Andrew online...

I am reminded of someones nowadays, and realised that unlike the past, I no longer have the time and ability to wait for someone I like to realise my existence and stuff.

It's not really.. possible, because..

I don't know why..

Anyway.. Still emo and going on, but yeah.

I shall blog more tomorrow.

Feels nice to be blogging at the last minute of the day...

P.S.: I'm emoing not because of PMS or MNP lah! -,-

@ 11:59 PM

Feeling much better today after 11 hours of sleep.

Feeling empty today, because Kyle XY ended last Sunday.

Feeling a little emo after visited many blogs moments ago.

This post is inspired and partially dedicated to the funny guy of 404, Ng Jian WEN.

Jian WEN, besides Shi Ling, you have to thank me for tolerating with your rubbish in class too! Lol.. Especially the Sing-along sessions when we got bombarded with your lemon tree and stuff like that. And the times when Ginny and I catch you either sleeping or using electronic-gadget-as-if-I-don't-know-what in class, which is very often an occurence.

Young Directors Chair had been a very memorable experience for me, the first time I understand the importance of teamwork, and the strength of conscience. Perhaps we went through pretty much of hard times, often resulting in non-contructive arguements, but at the end of the day, we do know that we are all working towards success.

The moment when Xinmin Ray of Hope was announced as the winning project of the event, I had an overwhelming feeling in me, like being really thankful to be part of such a wonderful team, and all.. It's all beyond what words can describe.

Today when I read your blog, Jian WEN, it actually prepares me for life after Secondary school. I can foresee the scenario of you guys having awesome time in Junior Colleges, working hard for Promotion exams and A Levels thereafter, while I embark on my own journey in Polytechnic, leading a whole new life without the laughters and cheers of you guys.

It is both a sweet and sour feeling- Sweet, because I can foresee the bright future that lies before you guys, the wonderful memories you guys are bound to weave in time, and sour, because you guys would have a wonderful life, but definitely a life without me, or with me, but just as a passer-by.

Today, I such to wonder, is going to Poly a really wise choice. Between ambition and friends, which way should I take? Which would be better, a life of friends or a life of dream-come-true?

I would never forget the feelings you guys leave me with your eyes when I say that I want to go Poly- you guys meaning not just classmates, but also other peers, teachers and relatives.

Beyond those words of encouragement, I'll also remember those feelings you guys left me, and innately, I'll know how much support I truly have from you guys.

It's not just jiayou verbally that encourages me, but knowing that you guys have faith in me and would advocate my decisions for whatever it may be...

There are many others I want to thank before I get my OLevel results slip, because I want to thank you guys before disappointment.. =X


(...to be continued...)

@ 5:10 PM

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Finally halfway through the intro part of "In the End" by Linkin Park on the piano. I love it so much..

I'm still emo, but upon seeing the number of tags comforting me.. And seeing how concern you guys are.. I daresay I feel slightly better already.

A primary school friend visited me today too, and of course, the fact that our hearts are closer now makes me even happier..

Mr. Bing Xu,

Sorry eiz, keep eating my words.. But I keep getting held back by unforeseen circumstances..

@ 9:31 PM

Friday, November 16, 2007

Went back to school to get our report books today. The moderation is rather far-fetched as far as I'm concerned. Based on that score, I'm considerably safe if I want to get into Chinese Studies. But still gotta see actual OLevel result, esp the two languages and geog.. =

Anyway, after writing my EX-wife a letter to go with her present, our clique took photos for memory's sake..

I find many of them gay, but hell cares, since we would be graduating soon, may just as well make the most out of it.

And did you guys realise that I'm the one who's bullied the most? Lol. Because other than today, I'm usually the bully, laugh out loud.

Anyway, on my way home on 112, I flipped through my CCA Cert, and saw the number of CIP hours I completed in the four years.

208hours. No wonder I'm so bored now..

And I think got calculation error, considering the fact that.. there are only TWo 0.5hours and the total add up to 208.5h.

Definitely not a Maths teacher that computed the CIP hours, lol.

During OLevel when I was bored, I took out a magazine advertisement as shown below, and added colours on the face to make the makeup more extreme. Just for fun, you guys enjoy. =]

Before:

After:

Won't be posting anymore tonight le, people..

@ 8:11 PM

I was tidying my room while my peers were 'enjoying' themselves during prom..

I started before meeting my clique, and I packed SIX full bags, as shown below.


At night when I returned to continue tidying, I ended up with eight bags, and still counting. LOL. And the files couldn't fit in the bags.


I ended off the session with finishing up the present for my wife's wedding blessing. So heartbreaking, but anyway, it forms "Happiness Parasempre" which means Everlasing Happiness.. Sob*

Anyway, the below shows the tidied shelves with all the nice things minus textbooks. =)

CABALAH called and "sexually harrassed" me. Lolz. I'm feeling a little better, than it isn't significant enough.

@ 7:52 PM

Here's some nicer shots I took from my living room, like some kinda.. Singapore flag.. and.. Rainbow..

Everything has two sides, and it depends on how we decipher it, how we take it.

For me, I took it the pessimistic way..

For three consecutive days, I've been emo-ing..

@ 7:42 PM

Since I have no pictures of prom to put up, I shall show you guys some reasons why I'm so emo nowadays. Just take a look at the following pictures.

It isn't even sky of grey, but sky of BLACK.



Considering that the following is my view from my apartment..

...can you understand why I feel so down...?

Haix..

@ 7:23 PM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

This girl wants a confidant.. Someone who understands her.. Who stays with her during the worst phase of her life, which is now. A girl who is bleeding and tearing herself into pieces deep down..

She wants to escape from this family.. This family that does much to hide the ugliness deep within, the dirt within, the dishonesty within, the supression deep within, the selfishness laying everywhere in every aspect..

She wants to stay in her schools, and not leave these beautiful friends, beautiful memories, beautiful teachers, beautiful staff, beautiful sights.. She doesn't want to be separated from this place she calls the real home...

Today she wants to run away.. To find a place that no one knows her and release herself from her own clutches. She wants to live a life she calls her own.. She wants to explore life without hindrance of those around her..

What is good for you may not necessarily be good for her. You want money, you want adventure, she wants exposure and freedom. People lead different lives, and if you put yourself in her shoe, you'll see that your life is bullshit from her perspective. If you stop forcing her to become another you, you'll see the greatness within, the creativity, the happiness, the influence of her happiness..

..only if she's truly free.


Ten years down the road, this would be all you guys can remember of her- a short fat obnoxious tomboy who isn't the least bit ladylike, with no strengths or talents, just another passer-by you wouldn't spare a second look.

While you explore your life, enjoy love..














.............can anyone track her down for me...?

@ 10:17 PM

Feeling rather emo like a HQ today...

Like seeing people passing me by, preparing for prom, deciding which JC to go..

Is it that my pace is a little too fast, my momentum is a little too different...?

This is probably how life is going to be for me once I see all my friends in JC getting worked up over tests, promotion exams, A Levels, JC proms, and me... I'll be in Poly.

Did I really choose Poly because I'm not eligible for any other decent JC, like what my family says?

In my family, you can proclaim loudly that you want to study in JC, and you can only keep your dream to be in poly as a dark secret.

Did I make up my mind a little too fast, too hasty a decision, did I limit myself this way?

I'm afraid, because I've lagged behind others a far way because of hesitating just a little some years back, giving up my dream, my promise to my Primary school teacher..

I admit that I regret my indecisiveness then, that's why I want to make up my mind quickly now.. But..

How would I know that it is the right, the best, decision I am capable of making for myself?

Truly tired..

Truly empty..

Truly isolated..

Truly confused..

Truly helpless..

@ 9:58 PM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I'm on the verge of crying..

I can't figure out the piano version of Numb, a song of Linkin Park. It's just so hard..

But I won't tear, because I hope I'll get it one day.. Haix..

Tired.. Tata, people.. I won't be blogging anymore for today le.

Edit:

I remembered a saying suddenly.

There were two ladies who met with the same crisis in work. One succeeded, while the other failed.

It's because the first lady asked herself HOW to try and solve the problems, while the one who failed, kept asking herself WHY she has to be the one facing such a problem.

Sometimes, if we bring ourselves out of our own dimension and look at ourselves as a passer-by, we would realise how trivial the problem actually is.

Haix.

But still..

I feel so trapped in my current state, much as I wish to push my limits..

I wish I started a life revolving around music from young, but I can't change the past. Neither can I change the fact that I didn't join aesthetic groups in Primary and Secondary schools. In terms of time for practices, I lag behind those who started early.

So now, I decided to start NOW, because I choose to believe that the earlier I start, the lesser I lag behind.

Right...?

=

@ 9:52 PM

Reply tags~

Ciindyy-:
Thanks for accompanying me yesterday! Haha.. Hope you don't mind that I censored some parts of the neoprints, LOL! And thanks for complimenting my Chinese blog de blogskin, although I changed it ages ago, just that I didn't blog and so you guys didn't know. Hahax.. You should be glad that it isn't in pink!

ZZ:
I'm alright, thank you zeezee! I buying Jay's album leh! Rare of me eiz!

Francine:
Haha, no need to worry about me lah, I'll get over things before long de. You ah, going to be Sec Two soon, so do remember to study hard for streaming, and get into a course you want, and can cope with, not necessary 1A1 okays? See you around soon!

Jasmine:
Thank you jiejie! =) You are one very very nice person I'll always remember and keep in my heart! Love you loads! I'll contact you one of these days! Miss you! You takkaire ah, don't fall for my brother! Muahahah!!!

Angelz:
Everything I've got to say is in your email.

@ 4:31 PM

Took photos of a nice blue sky one fine day some time ago...

Share with you guys barh!

When you feel so tired in life, of life, and wish that you don't exist, think of the vast greenery, and you'll realise that you are but a small part of life, and if you just relax a little, you'll learn to live a more carefree life. =)

@ 4:21 PM

Finally succeeded in uploading the neoprints from yesterday! ^_^

The first one below was taken at.. Tampines Mall...? Yepz. Not fun, cos there wasn't enough time! The only nice thing was the inside of the room, because the camera had petal-like lights around! =)


After a toilet trip, we went to another store, and took neoprints with glitters! SO AWESOME!!

I'm sorry but I can only post up the following censored version! LOL. And something happened while we were decorating the neoprints, leaving Ciindyy- repeating "help me cover! help me cover!" which was super duper uberly funny!

Alright, shall update again later! Love you guys!

@ 4:00 PM

Computer was MIA for the past few days, but main thing is, I'm back today. Now. Muahaha.

I intend to post up neoprints I took with Ciindyy- yesterday after OLevel papers, but SUCKER blogger just wouldn't load..

..anyways..

Forget it lorh.

Blogger truly sucks.

@ 1:11 PM

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I'm almost done with Thousand Miles!

Left the second verse which I just can't understand. T_T

Now starting on In the End by Linkin Park!

Critisize all you want, suan me all you want, because the loser, the noob, who can't get things right, is YOU, not me. I'll be the one having the last laugh, and you, you'll always be pathetically STUCK to that THREE notes, loser.

@ 1:13 PM

CHINESE POST

@ 1:12 PM

Friday, November 09, 2007

Yes, I mind that after taking so much precious time to decorate your autograph book, there's no thank you. Instead, you critisized it in public like it's not worth a single cent.

Yes, I mind that you come to me when you need help or someone to save you from boredom but ignores me once you're done with your need.

Yes, I mind that you guys refuse to teach me Maths and ask me to look for him downstairs, because you guys made me sound so worthless.

Yes, I mind when I was in near coma and NONE of you was here for me. And some of you ignored my call for help.

Yes, I mind when you guys isolate me to form your own cliques like nobody's business.

Yes, I mind when you guys bring up his name in front of me because you guys don't know HOW IT HURTS LIKE SHIT.

Yes, I mind. YES, I mind. YES I MIND!!!

HAPPY?????

NOW WHAT? WHAT'S NEXT?

WHY THE FREAKINGLY HELL SHOULD I HELP?

WHY THE HELL SHOULD I REPLY YOUR SMS?

WHO THE HELL SHOULD CARE WHEN YOU WANT TO CRY, TO DIE, TO WHATEVER IT IS, WHEN IT FREAKINGLY WOULDN'T HURT ME?

YES, I AM FREAKINGLY ANGRY, SO WHAT?!?!?!

@ 7:26 PM

SHIT BLOGGER.

SHIT CBOX.

SHIT THIS WORLD.

HUIYING IS ANGRY.

HUIYING IS INFURIATED.

HUIYING IS AGITATED.

HUIYING IS FURIOUS.

HUIYING IS FRUSTRATED.

DOES THIS MAKE MY ENGLISH GOOD?!

NO.

HELL NO.

@ 7:14 PM

Angeline Mah Cabalah, remember to thank me for accompanying you yesterday!

Read Claire's blog, and realised that while we are having examination, having papers, having fun, enjoying ourselves, having family wars, another world is revolving, and our juniors and my ah girl are having the General Meeting which I so miss right now!

=D

Dammit.. I'm one post behind my target just because I didn't blog TWO yesterday!

Still ill! DAMMIT! ZZzzz

@ 8:04 AM

Still pretty shaken from the dark truth I found out yesterday.

I admit- that I'm trying to deny truths by playing the piano.

I wished I never knew. I wished I never discovered. I wished I was ignorant. I wished I expected it beforehand. I wished I believed myself beforehand. I wished..

I can't change others, because they aren't obliged to change because of me.

It's really scary to know that there are dark sides to everyone in this world. It's hard to imagine nice friends being so.. dark a character behind everyone's back.

It's not like the past hasn't been terrifying and shocking enough, right?

I know you guys catch no ball, but yeah, you're right- I can't divulge the truth here, because this is published on WORLD WIDE WEB.

@ 7:57 AM

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Almost done with Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton!

Took me three days, and I finally figured out the melody and beats, lol!

Seems like I'm a super duper uber wols learner!

Anyway..

I was very pissed off with one teacher yesterday. It's like- there are some people you don't meet often, and when you meet them, they never fail to bring a wide grin to your face. But then again, there are others you seldom meet, but when you do, they never fail to bring you down, screw your day, screw your mood, and make you wana pray that they don't ever appear in front of you ever EVER again, even if they become ash.

When you don't meet often, why do you have to go to such great lengths to bring me down? Like, what the freaking hell do you want? What the freaking hell do you get? Joy? Self-esteem? Or what?

I don't have the ill-intentions to blog a post specially to say how much a supposedly-educated educator suck, but it mystifies me as of WHY they have to be such pain.

It was such a nice day, a fine day after a OLevel Paper, a fun time with Ciindyy- at Hougang Point, and when I meet you, you have to say such crap.

I seriously HATE you.

You are just like that student you scolded in the past- both of you are hateful creatures.

Blah. Finally vented out my anger.

Momo said that besides what I said, another factor that matters is how much that person mean to you, whether he/she is a stranger or someone you know, because if it's the former, what he/she says would not have any impact on me.

But I disagree, because I did mind A LOT when that spammer I don't know spammed some time ago.

It just matters to me as of how others think of me, no matter who he/she is to me.

I can act like I don't care, that I ain't hurt, that I don't mind, that I don't take it to heart, but ultimately when I get honest with myself when others aren't around, I know very clearly that I can feel the pain. The acute pain. And sometimes the wounds don't heal- which is QUITE often.

I cut my finger today, and somehow I felt that it isn't worth it at all.

So now I ask myself, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell am I doing with my life, wasting my precious time of things which aren't worth caring for.

Dammit.

@ 11:04 AM

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Here's MY suggestion to you on what to do in your free time after O Level papers!

1. When you play pool, make the session worthwhile.



2. Show the world that you are much lamer than me.
Make sure that it's a NOBLE and FASCINATING show..



3. ...and also show the world how rich you are.



4. But then again, your friends can always get richer than you.
And sometimes, even more patient than you.


5. So you can show them, that even when you are short,
YOU THINK TALL.



At the end of the day, you'll realise,
that be it psychologically or physically or whatnot,



..there's always someone stronger than you.

Moral of this post:

Compare with yourself for satisfaction and confidence
Compare with others for improvements and inspirations.

*flashes signature smile and sprays stardust*

@ 8:33 PM

OMG, PEOPLE! CHECK OUT THE FOLLOWING VIDEO UNTIL THE VERY END!!

@ 2:47 PM

I smell of joss sticks at the moment- just went to pay respect to my Granny this morning. So-called Death Anniversary.

It brought back many memories, and amongst them, I realised that besides those emoness, those happiness.. That's also hatred.

Never mind, everything passed. Shall leave them just in my memories..

Anyway, the below are neoprints of mine, and if it you are part of it, feel free to rip it from my collection. =)

'DEAR' CABALAH ANGELINE,

I'll RETURN you YOUR share of NEOPRINTS asap de lah! Don't be so bothered!

XP

Alright,

off to practise Thousand Miles!

Tata~

@ 2:34 PM

Deleted many links- hope you guys find it more convenient now!

^_^

Haha! TWO posts down!

@ 1:13 AM

In case you don't know what the above calculations mean, what I'm trying to say is that if I were to blog as many entries as last year (334posts), I only have another 56 days left to post 84 posts, and that leaves me to post 1.5posts a day on average.

In actual fact, I want to blog MORE posts each year! So that means I have to blog A LOT A LOT!

Rumaging through my drawers just now, I realised that I still owe CABALAH Angeline 11August de Neoprints, lol! But I haven't have the time to scan it into my computer lah~

Suddenly, so many things seemed to have been left undone and I didn't realise until I don't have the time to clear them, lol.

Anyway, finish watching The Westside Story today, like, finally, and for once, I learnt some really meaningful lessons from the last few episodes which I believe even teachers in school cannot impart to me.

There have been chinese books I bought which seem very insightful and all at the start, but the contents start to get bland, or even repeat as I read on. It occurs to me that passion to start a book is often hard to last till the last page you write.

It seems like this dilemma I face now-

Am I really good in Chinese? Do I really want Chinese for a lifetime? Can my passion last through the pages and chapters and series of my life story?

Okay. I shall not continue the emoing, as it's near my sleeping time.

These few days since the start of O Level papers, I've been hoping to get the well-wishes of two particular people, but sad to say, neither has yet wished me luck. But it's alright, as I tell myself, that I can survive without their well-wishes well. =)

Really want to thank CABALAH Angeline, Ciindyy-Sinli, Ah Girl-Claire, Francine and Jiajia for tagging my blog every so often and brightening up my day, even if my replies seemed like words hastily typed. =)

You guys rock, better than some ungrateful people out there, who treat you to a meal, and dissect you to see how well you digested the food thereafter. =X

Anyway, a nice and funny MV edited by Cyber people from Jay's song which should be taken light-heartedly with a hearty laugh. =)



And I like the following MV. You guys may spend your free time guessing why. Muahaha.

@ 12:39 AM

Monday, November 05, 2007

STARTING TO COUNTDOWN!!

TWO MORE MCQ PAPERS LEFT!!

I'm starting to anticipate all the goodies after all the papers-

Fun with cliques

SL Camp (!!!)

Trip back to Malaysia~

Reopening my CyberShop which would be going D.I.Y!

Watch the entire X-Family series~

Launching games and competitions in my blog!!

Start taking up - lessons!

Learn piano for Thousand Miles!!!!!

Visiting Mashimaro~ (My relative)

Do up cards for teachers!!!

Become loanshark~!!!!

Launch new year's blog~

Continue with designings~

YAY~ It all seems like SOOO much fun!

Com'on! Raise your hands and join my cheer!

Unless, of course, you are some biarches I do not welcome. Muahaha!

@ 4:44 PM

Sunday, November 04, 2007

My Desktop Wallpaper!!

Thanks for all the tagging, people!

Anyway, Sec 4s are starting to slack, I heard. Many are talking about shopping after the last papers already. Anyway, I'm one of them to go around making dates with people! Muahaha!

I think the only paper I screwed so far is.. .. ..

HCL Paper 1.

='(

@ 8:02 PM

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Angeline the CABALAH gang blogged, so should I!

Anyway.. I am super duper upset about my HCL Paper 1.. Did like SHIT, I think. Out of point, absent-minded essay, blurred objectives and stuffs.. But I really NEED the A1, dammit..

But I had fun after the papers with Ciindyy, Whiner and David Copperfield at Hougang Point today..

..realised that when you're in a good mood, even just looking at a very ordinary passer-by can bring a smile to your face. When you're in a foul mood, even the appearance of your loved one can be a misery.

Had fun taking 112 with Angeline, when she received calls from the same Unknown asking for her particulars- that phone trickster thingy, I can't believe she's so ignorant, Geez.. Don't angry horh!

On the other hand..

I realised that outstanding people basking in glory often lose sight of their goals, like being happy about who they are and overlooking what is most important to them, and what SHOULD be important to them. They can forget how to behave, how to handle problems, the ways they should, they forget what they should not do and why, just because they lost their ways.

Perhaps they never realised, but after reading today's passage, I realised, that the inflicted wounds would never be able to heal, although the scars they leave behind are important in reminding us that the past is real.

The higher the status of a person, the more important it gets for them to have someone to check on them, because the more authority they have, the more important the things they handle, the more serious and influential their decisions become. However, the Almightys usually have no one to correct them, just because they are superiors.

But nowadays, I realised, that that shouldn't be the case.

@ 6:59 PM

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Seven minutes since I logged in- so long before I start blogging..

Ok. Fine. I was surfing YouTube and only starting this post now at 11.21pm when I actually logged in at 10+. LOL.

I was hunting down videos of outstanding amatuer female singers of English Songs, and I'll put up the ten best after OLevels and YOU guys tell me which you think is the best. Meanwhile, take some time to listen to the songs by the original singers as listed below-

• HSM- Breaking Free
• Rihanna- Unfaithful
• Destiny's Child- Emotions
• Mariah Carey- Hero
• Vanessa Carlton- A Thousand Miles
• Kelly Clarkson- Because of You
• Jojo- How to touch a girl
• Jojo- Leave [Get Out]
• Jojo- Too Little Too Late (Available in my blog left column)
• Vanessa Hudgens- When There was Me and You

Another thing is that 3cho3yingz CyberShop may be open again in the near future- that is, after O Levels earliest.

Following up, there'll also be voting catetories for Top Ten Amatuer Youtube Male English singers, Top Three Duets, Best Version of Song X, Best Chinese Amatuer Singer. =D

Please vote by then! ^_^

Lotsa events coming up after OLevels here in this blog, not forgetting Guess The Price!

Meanwhile, juniors, chill'out during this holiday, catch up with friends and in schoolwork, other seniors jiayou for A'Levels or NS, and to the dearest peers of mine, ALL THE BEST FOR HMT TOMORROW and Physics this Friday!

^_^

@ 10:22 PM

Monday, October 29, 2007

A couple of lame/funny/senseless conversations some people made with me- TODAY.

Situation 1
[Before EMaths Paper 1]

Scholar: Do you know what's the meaning of mean?

Me: Average lo.

Scholar: No, it means selfish, nasty...

Me: -_-

******************

Situation 2
[At This Fashion]

Me: Excuse me, can I exchange this necklace, because the blings on it dropped..

Auntie: [takes it from me] Har? Drop so many meh?

Me: Yeah.. *trails off* [Inward rolling of eyes]

Auntie: Urh. *stares at it as if attempting to make the blinks come back* TWO blings missing.

Me: [thinks: Stupid lorh. Is THREE. MATHS. FAIL..]

Auntie: *exchanges it for me for another one with an attitude like I cursed her
ancestors*

Me: Okay.. *Takes it from her*

Auntie: Nah. Check ah, see ah, cannot exchange liao ah..

Me: Orh.. *Keeps and waits to see if she'll return me the receipt*

Auntie: Ah. No more liao.

Me: ?!?! *walks off*

People always complain that youngsters nowadays are PKS CABALAH, but how about such aunties who bully youngsters like me?

=(

No lah, actually, I just find her damn ridiculous and funny.

@ 6:27 PM

Got a little confused- couldn't differentiate between class blog and my blog.

I have to admit that I'm still thinking about that spammer's words- not the offensive ones, but the ones of judgements.

What makes a person a narcissist?

I never knew the meaning of the word, although it never fails to remind me of Nazi. But it has been on the Channel 8 TV serials so often nowadays that I know what it means now.

Just some time ago, someone told me I don't have the right to love another being, because I don't know how to love myself, and take care of myself.

In fact, more than one person said this to me.

So if I say I rock when I cut myself, I'm a narcissist?

How about if I say that I hate myself, but I go for artificial beauty?

Moreover, I was said to be caught up in my own life. Just because I blog about my life? Or is it such that I SHOULD blog not about myself, and instead, be like Jeremy?

Who defines blog, and decides what a blogger should and should not blog about? Who decides what's right and wrong to blog about?

If the Chinese are right to say that a blog is equivalent to a manually written diary, may I ask what the people in the past wrote in their diary?

I read Jack the Ripper's diary, I read Anne Frank's diary, I read Quinne's diary. Aren't they talking about their own lives?

I'm really confused..

@ 6:15 PM

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

AMaths papers are officially OVER.

Had fun, especially with Jeremy sitting behind me, and other class de Maths Pro on my left. LOL.

One does wonder how extreme/creative Jeremy can get at times, lol.

Shan't say more about the examination. LOL..

No paper tomorrow, and will be piahing Geography- I need A1 for it and HCL AND Combined H. to secure a place for Chinese Studies!!

OMG.

Angeline did something she thought we didn't see today.

tralalala~

@ 7:31 PM

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Probably the last post before O Levels liaoz. But then again, that's what I've been saying all these while. Haha...

The photo above is dedicated to the LZFC, and any left-out members. Lol. Hope you guys remember LZ's noble teachings... =D .....

..and if you pay closer attention, you may realise that the person in the background on the left looks like NoNo of Taiwan Entertainment Circle. LOL.

This post is dedicated to THREE NOBLES. Haha.

Claire:

Ah girl ah, mummy going to graduate liao.. Saw you having your paper.. Just occurred to me that you grew up le.. Like.. So suddenly.. Seems like it's just yesterday that you were my mentee and was being teased for the scandal with Xie Ting Feng. Hahah...

I'm really happy to have a daughter like you.. Cute.. Honest.. Act cute.. Hahaha.. Not exactly innocent, though.. XP Do learn to take care of yourself and remember to work hard in years to come.. And do stay happy.. No matter where I am, alive or dead, you'll always have my support and my love. ^_^

Ciindyy-:

I know you never use ciindyy- liao, but somehow it just feels so.. right. Yepz.

O Levels coming soon lo.. I know you're studying hard and so I think you would deserve to be the one with the last smile.. Hope that the last time you're going to wear XMS uniform will be the day you tear with utmost joy.. Will be the one having the last laugh.. Will be the one who has a bright future ahead in JC.. U.. Society.. =)

We've been through so much together.. So much stupid stuffs.. Stupid people.. Stupid incidents.. Plus that VB guy de malu incident.. hahax.. Thanks for being such a nice person, although I am aware that I often left you mystified and not knowing what to do. You rock!!

Angeline:

Thanks for being the best spammer in the entire universe! You are a nice friend, a good friend.. Haha.. I'll always remember you for raising the hits of my blog count, and always the one who makes me laugh, makes me emo, and worries about me day and night..

When I wash my hands, I'll remember the ET;
When I walk past the St John room, I'll remember SJAAB;
When I see Claire, I'll remember her Ah Yi;
When I tag a tagboard, I'll remember your diligent spamming;
When I close my eyes, I'll remember the darkness during SL Camp de nightwalk;
When I cry, I'll remember your hug and tissues;
When I see my tie, I'll remember you whining for one;
When I drink water outside library, I'll remember you and catapult;
When I listen to HSM songs, I'll remember your spastic singing;
When I see teens and teenage, I'll remember your fanatic behaviour;
When I watch Hong Kong serials, I'll remember your TianSoon Yeye;
When I buy tidbits, I'll remember your whining Lays-style..

And lots more lah..

I will always remember you guys de.. =)

FUNNY DAY OF WORK.

Me: Gor, Mr. Pah say that I can consult you when I have problems in academic studies because you are an outstanding student in his opinion leh..

Him: CAN! Open Paint software.

Changed my mind. Haha..

Recalled someone once telling me, that there are people with no life online, going around insulting people just to make them feel worse.

But you know what?

I see through your conspiracy now, and you're the one with that problem, not me.

Haha!

Ten years down the road when I look back at my secondary school life, I'll be proud that I have so many friends, I have so many photos and so much vibrance and dynamics in my life, while you, you only have pathetic and shameful guilt.

I only have one last thing for you, you know?

Anyone knows how to curb gastric pain?

Dammit, it's occurring every now and then like some kind of holistic ritual.

I wana boycott gastric.

Been in the rain for TWO days, and have been sneezing since I last bade Angel goodbye at the junction.

I did the craziest thing I ever managed--

I studied Physics last night from 10pm till 4.30am, and slept for 3 hours until 7.30am and continued Physics-ing until 11am when it was time to look for Mr. Chee. Lol.

It wasn't fun doing Physics- it was truly draining me.

But all's well end well..

O Level in less than 10 days times, and I'm only left with history, SS and Geog- Plate Tectonics and Coast.

Olay~

Jiayou, people!!

p.s.: been hearing a couple of non-existent things about me from a couple of people and it made me wonder- they know me and my life better than I do?

And I laughed.

Sometimes I just cannot understand or pardon adults as they are.

You know how sometimes people emphasize a little too much on filial piety and hint damn obviously that you should try and abide the ground rules laid and you should accompany them whenever possible because it's precious moments AND even that you should always spare a thought for them?

But sometimes I really do wonder-

Then who spares a thought for me?

People can freakingly not reply my smses
People can just abandon me
People can just ignore me
People can look at me in the face and say I suck
Or better still, go behind me and insult me like how racists do.

Should I still care for them, spare a thought for them then?

If yes, why? If no, why did they emphasize on the importance in the first place?

I have nothing against them which is really that stereotypical. It's just that sometimes things can get so frustrating, so unfair, and I just wish to lose my temper and throw things around and knock sense into them that hey, did you realise that I'm freakingly a human standing in front of you too?

I need to get my work done, especially when Os like less than a fortnight away, but you need me, so I accompanied you with a smile. So at night when I return and wish to get some work done, or rather, complete the work from where I last stopped, you ask me to sleep else you can't sleep in peace.

So what?

I can't work during the day IOT accompany you AND
I can't work at night so that you can sleep in peace.

FINE. THEN I DON TAKE OLEVEL LORH.

IM FREAKINGLY IRRITATED by all the stupid things I have to do to attain a cert- doing things I hate for a month and forget all about it later, and probably never even remembering what it is three months down the road when I get my cert, getting threatened by all the birdshit all around the corners, and GETTING my drive COLLAPSING just because some conservative and outdated Almighty's insult?

WHAT THE HELL.

Sometimes I do wonder why I am alive in the first place.

Da Yi's birthday today-- Happy birthday..

I'm rather emotional at the moment from watching Three Wishes on Channel 5- for once, a good show with the least possible amount of commercialising.

People my age know about Tsunami, about Katrina, about SARS, about H5N1, and we can cry for them, we can donate things for them, we can lend them a hand. But at the end of the day, we're standing on two different grounds.

We can do selective donations, we can choose the time to cry at our own free will, we can choose to carry on with our lives at times. But THEY don't have the freedom to choose where they live all around the clock, THEY don't have the chance to choose to be happy or sad, THEY don't have the right to run away.

While you sit comfortably on the sofa at home watching TV programmes at home, do you realise that there are people who are homeless, who see no future, who remain ignorant of what lies ahead and what's going to happen to them, what HAD happened to their shattered family and loved ones...

You can say that I am too emotional, you can say that I needa go get a life, you can say that you don't think it matters.

But at the end of the day, you have to think, IF you are one of the crowd left homeless because of such circumstances, would you wish to be forgotten? What exactly have the people done to deserve such tragedy?

How would YOU feel if you are the one without any family member now, sleeping on a cardboard with many others, deprived of hope, of security, of habits, of home, of companions, of EVERYTHING that ONCE belonged to you YESTERDAY?

I daresay it isn't a good feeling.

While you are whining because you don't get to go out with your friends for a downtown trip,

While you're sulking because you have to go out with your dear mummy,

Some people have already lost their mothers, some people don't even have a home, not to mention going for shopping.

How would you feel, to be without your cliques, your relatives, your loved ones, your prized possessions, your latest technology gadgets..

Create your own Friend Test here

Piah A WHOLE DAY of Physics, and I'm so PRESSUREd because of the amount of WORK that requires large amount of ENERGY to REVERSE my dreamt fate. I need to be ACCURATE and EFFICIENT in order to be CHARGED enough to excel for my examination.

Physics drives me MADDDDDDDD~!!!

Watched the 4o4 video moments ago, and posted an entry on class blog- emo, but I'm being honest like never before. =)

I once wrote in my blog that I was requested to write graduation essay by three parties since August, but until now, I still hadn't got the courage to write it, because I know it would cause emotional upsurge and screw my emotional health for 7-7-49 days. Direct translation, bear with me for that.

The video, as I was saying, was nice and heartwarming, but it failed to make me tear, which is GOOD, because I don't wana cry now that O Level is just exactly TWO weeks away.

My Dad just called, and he's STILL in Malaysia! I seriously miss the hostility we share. LOL. I sound sadistic. Seriously.

I felt pissed on Friday because of the VIP visit anyway. It's not like I don't like the VIP personally, but because I feel.. INSULTED.

You guys can go to JC for all you want, but that doesn't mean you have to insult Poly. For your SHALLOW information, Poly isn't for people who are ousted from JCs- your thinking is waaaayy outdated. I think you didn't inspire AT ALL.

...

Okay. I feel more "balanced" saying these out.

And as of my class..

I dunno what to say larh..

As readers of my blog would have realised that I have super mixed feelings with regards to my class, because I love them, and I hate them at the same time. But.. love is always stronger a feeling than hate, right?

So I think I love my class. For Now. =D

At this point in time...

...when O Level is just around the corner,
People like M-E ME has got to have enough excuses to blog.

Here it goes-

(1) The light in my room fused and I CAN'T study in the dark

(2) I studied for FOUR hours STRAIGHT after lessons today, and I DESERVE a break.

(3) It's damn depressing to see my blog rusting, decomposing, eroding, corroding, ...

(4) Blogging is my way of brushing up my EL

(5) I need to get some rubbish off my mind.


My Dad's in Ipoh now having a short well-deserve break from work. Life feels so strange without a funny little uncle playing hostility game with me every night.

It was a fruitful night study session tonight with Hui Jing, Evelyn, Phoebe, Yeong Jing, Chin-Wen and Angie today!

We started at 3pm and signed out at 8pm.

=))

I want to chiong liaoz..

before O Level Written Papers. Feeling weird like I don't belong to XMS already.. =(

Been staying back in class after lessons to get some work done with YJ, Phoebe, Angie, Evelyn and the Maths Pro Society. Fun and fulfilling. =)

Gotta go out le. Tata people!!

..after compiling a small portion of my collection of 144 photos for Mr. Tang, although not all are of class. And I couldn't find one photo we took years ago. Damn sad, cos it's so nice.

Would be busy with schoolwork and some other stuffs, and so will be updating less.

Happy Children's Day to everyone, even though there isn't ice-cream this year, which is damn sad lah.

Realised something about the MediaCorp dunno-wad stars awards thingy-

In the past for trailer, they show snippets of classic quotes by the winners.

In the present, what's shown are the remains of the brainless "thankiews" and cliche-as-ever "im very honoured".

What's this world coming to?

It seems so miraculous that I can grumble in a short post. =)

Almost cried in class today, dammit.

And to Mr. C, I.. decline to take up the challenge, thank you very much and sorry. =)

Tata, people, I needa let my eyes have a break after browsing through up to 400 photos, before I puke on my keyboard, LOL.

Loss for words.

L1R5 is 13, and I know I can do better de. =)
L1B4 is 11, and I'm eligible for the course I want le. My next aim is SINGLE DIGIT.

I realised that many things can never be the same again no matter how hard you try. Friendship is one of them.

If I'm ever neglecting any friend because of studies and you guys are aware, please highlight it to me, and knock some sense into me on this matter. Studying is one important thing, but I must not allow myself to abandon my friends in need.

Pray that Emo monster can pester me, and JUST me.

P.S.: The game supposedly held before Oct would be postponed until further notice. =)

P.S.: Chinese Post @ The Best Blog on Earth

Hover to link.

Reckon I caught the emo monster again.

Was on Youtube watching certain HSM videos, when I came across one of Everyday.

It was alright in the beginning, the typical introductions, the typical scenes, the typical people..

..until they showed how the circle formed and went in their ways, how they held their hands and raised them to truly show people that they ARE friends and they want to show us their friendship.

What the instructor said eventually made me cry-

"The children watching this at home are probably searching for their own circle.. this may be the past in the future.."

Reminded me of the SL Intensive circles, which makes me wanna tear again.

The fateful night we gathered beside the rock wall, sitting down after the end of the performance and presentations, doing the feedback session, and eventually forming the circle.

It was like forces just joined together, and I could feel the breathing of every single lovely FGL, like we were part of everyone else, like we were separated shards of lives which joined together to form a complete whole once again that fateful night.

It was an extreme outburst of emotions, of sorrows of losses, of happiness and pride of successes, of enjoyment of the processes, of contentment of the companions..

It came to such a point that I could no longer hold my tears, like there were so much in me that I wish to spread to every other individual who is part of me.

It wasn't the physical ambience, neither was it any depressing smooth rock song that is affecting how I feel. Instead, it was the feeling of connection, of trust, of bonds, of long-lost genuinity in each and every one present.

I cannot and would not forget how each and everyone of us teared, and how much love and how strong the bonds were, like time is nothing already.

And when we got to dance room, the bigger circle formed, it was even harder for me to bear the surging emotions, as the juniors and peers who appear inert usually came forward to give me a pat, a hug or two, just to reassure me that we will be friends, we will be together, we are one, and there's nothing to be afraid of.

The night we were bonded, was only because we had a uniqu